A Catholic girl and a Jewish boy were very much in love, but it appeared the match wouldn't make it because of their religious difference. The girl was very unhappy, and weepingly discussed her plight with her father.
"Why don't you sell him on Catholicism," suggested the dad. "Tell him all the wonderful things about our religion. Perhaps he'll change his mind."
Weeks later, the girl had what she presumed would be her last date with the Jewish boy. When she came home, her dad was sitting up waiting for her. The girl, sobbing, tried to go to her room without even speaking to her dad.
He stopped her, 'Just a minute, dear. What happened? Couldn't you sell him on Catholicism?"
Oh, you and your stupid suggestions," she snapped between sobs, I oversold him. Now he wants to become a Catholic priest."
Two guys are collecting money and at the end of the day, one says, "I have collected $18.00 and you have two pockets full of ten dollar bills. What did I do wrong?"
"Friend, he says, it is what is writen on the signs. On yours it says you are out of work with 7 children at home. On mine it says, I NEED $10 TO GET BACK TO MEXICO"
There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.
An angel hears his plea and appears to him. "Sorry, but you can't
take your wealth with you." The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.
The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.
Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to
greet St. Peter. St. Peter seeing the suitcase says, "Hold on, you
can't bring that in here!"
But, the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter checks and comes back saying, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."
St. Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, "You brought
One day God was looking down from Heaven and saw that everything seemed bad. So He sent an angel, who came back with a report it was 95% bad and 5% good. So God sent a letter to encourage the good people. Do you know what it said?
The wealthy scoundrel died and his partner, brother came to the preacher and told him if at the funeral the preacher would tell the people he was a SAINT, he would donate one million dollars to the Church.
At the funeral, the preach gave a degrading message of how rotten the deceased was and ended with the words, "But compared to his brother he was a SAINT!"
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 a.m. for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 a.m."
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 a.m., and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
