I noticed a lot of the same folks here and figured this would be a good topic for discussion too.
for me i'm very out of touch with my own generation and simply don't fit in. Almost everyone my age relies on snap chat, instagram or facebook to talk and the idea of talking in person is often seen as an alien concept. I don't have TV, I don't fallow the latest trend, no drinking, no drugs, no parting... add being a dedicated christian to the mix and it becomes even harder to find someone I'm compatible with. And most no one my age wants a real relationship, just hook ups, FWB 🤮 or just friends. The few times I find someone looking for the same things we find out they can't handle my minimalist life style.
So yeah, my way of life and wanting a real dedicated relationship isn't common in my generation unfortunately.
what about you? why do you feel your single despite looking?
It's funny to hear guys talking of women and 'prince charming'.. I don't know anyone, who is waiting for perfection.. or anything so unrealistic.
What we do hope and pray for, is simply someone to have a loving relationship with. Based in kindness and the Lord as the center.
Men often assume women did have hoardes of suitors when we were young. In reality, there were no more men around when I was young - not the kind who wanted commitment and marriage.
As for everything else, yeah, always a lot of that - but thank God, since I got saved, I was able to avoid those pitfalls ( predators seeking just sex)..
Even as a believer, I did not have tools or wisdom to recognize toxic patterns and issues, so I was attractes and emotionally drawn to Christian but dysfunctional and unavailable men .. Looking and sounding very spiritual dors not equal reliability or trustworthiness.
Probably was at my peak at 35 and onward, but again, no men willing to have a relationship in the circles I was in ( church or academia).. a few men I was interested in, did nothing to pursue me, or show any friendliness. They had the typical no talk policy, common in the Finnish culture...
Plenty of staring, gawking etc.. but not one word.
Incidentally, they are still single although surrounded by women.
So I would not put the blame at the so called feminists..
Men are to do their part too, and not expect a woman to drag them to the altar by force. It is supposed to be a mutual project..
Talking pf pickiness.. the other side of the coin, of course, is that many got married to someone they could not live with, and ended up divorced.. sometimes after horrific custody battles, abuse, smear campaigns and so on..
It is worth it being picky enough to pay attention to red flags.
Had I got my choice of a man years ago, I might well be divorced by now..
.. and then people might say 'you should have chosen better'..
Depends what is meant by dysfunctional and unreliable.
It is not abnormal for men generally speaking to be either or both because of the lack of a wife. It's a not commonly known fact that the celibate man literally is often mentally unwell because of it. Because of either simple lack of intimacy or internalization of rejection as a normal state of being, the acceptance of inferiority. In worst cases the man becomes a raging pit of malice towards those that taught him he is only worth of being rejected.... Male egos are actually very fragile in some ways.
It's like expecting a race car to run properly on bad fuel. Then again we live in an age where men don't know how to be men anymore and just shouting at them to do it is counter productive.
The next generation or so will go one of three ways: anarchy, desperate men violently forcing woman back into submission (over correction), or a return of the natural rythems.... The third seeming unlikely. Ahab and Jesebel being followed by a ruined kingdom where the strong rule over the weak.
It's not the fault of the last generation that they are as broken as they are but they still have to bear the burden. The great reset cycle where either civilization rejuvenates or destroys itself. Either way feminism and it's fruits (weak or feminised men) will be trampled under foot by its successors.
As for men persuing specifically... Today many either dont know how in the first place or they are terrified of making a false move especially if they believe the woman would never positively respond to their advances.
There is just too many dangers for the common man to risk be it socially or legally where he can go to jail if the woman decides she feels like she was raped. Or the older example... Divorce being so common he risks losing half of his possessions, access to any resulting children and a permanent allamony debt if one day she wakes up and decides this just is not doing it for her anymore.
That probably is the most major reason men don't want to get married anymore... It's just not worth the risk.
Disappointment and rejection can really cause heartbreak.
Which does not help to foster healthy interactions.
I do get anxiety and depression due to loneliness, I really do - but as said, as a woman, I cannot drag a man out of his cave against his will. Too often, ladirs try to be too accomodating, putting up with mean behavior snd red flags in hopes to fix the 'wounded soul'.. but usually that does not lead anywhere good, the guy may enjoy the attention, but not want any commitment. Trying to be his mama is not a foundation for a healthy marriage.
Plus, my experience is, if I show any interest, friendliness or encouragement to an avoidant, tentative Christian guy, he ends up running for cover and / or showing some passive aggressive behavior ( one bachelor pastor almost throwed objects around the room)
No friendliness in return, nothing normal.
It is sad that most churches don't have any structure or protocol in place to help singles to meet each other with serious intentions.
Not sure about SAfrica, but I lived in one non Western country, where marriage was encouraged and my friends at church would gladly been there to facilitate a meeting, had there been a potential someone ( and him showing interest, as was the cultural norm)
