Over the years, as a result of my disability I have known nothing but rejection. Dating never went past the first of third date. Women in high school often used me to get to there boyfriend or for some other reason. This was a condition that was partly or mostly created by my disability. As a result I have developed a Rock Hard Heart. I don't know anything but rejection so I have become accustomed to it. In fact rejection is more comfortable to me than a relationship. I didn't choose this but it just developed that way. Even when I was making love to my fiance I found that I was unable to let her in. I just don't know how to do it. I was never afforded the ability to or given the opportunity to. I make so many mistakes as the result of my disability that I just expect a bad relationship to happen. It is completely unfamiliar territory for me. Emotions just don't make sense to me. This started after a few dates in high school and it just developed.
I really don't know how to cross the boundary into emotions. I want to but I just don't know what to do about it.
I think many of us experienced the same thing,but differs on how we see or relate to those experiences.Sometimes we have to see things positively even though it doesn't seem good.I mean like... If you hardly go for a second or third date after the first one,don't think you're were rejected .maybe she's not the right person for you .just forget it and move on.The best thing is give it to the Lord.Delight your self in HIM and he will give the desires of your heart..Psamls:37:4
Heart hard as rock? what do you mean your disability made it that way that you didn't choose to?Can you explain more...
If there is inner healing ministry at your church, I would run to it if I were you.
There are many things in your post that would need addressing but the rejection issue is huge and it absolutely can hinder any relationship, more specifically, your relationship with the Godhead.
You experienced many traumatic experiences and it made you strong but completely unattached emotionally because of fear. I know about your disease and it just needs therapy.Dont be harsh on yourself that you can't be a better husband or father.Begin to love yourslef, takeeach day as special, because you are positive about things, you will not be neglected.Psychological and emotional stress affect your mind and if you expect things never happen, it will never happen....I wish you the best, you deserve a happy life.Sometimes its not just love can complete you, you have God.Blessed be the singles for they will inherit the kingdom of God.Life is only temporal. f.Its good to know you are developing your artistic side, people who are artists are deeper people, they are not shallow...
One of my friends married a man who has Asperger's, so I know for a fact that men with Asperger's can get into successful relationships. They just had their first son, actually. Take small steps, and I'm sure you can do it!
I'm very sorry that you have experienced so much rejection. It makes it difficult to trust, and when you can't trust, you will just experience more rejection because people will sense that. Like lovelylady suggested, therapy can help you with your disability. Unfortunately with Asperger's it's all too easy for someone to lead you on, use you, or take advantage of you like you said used to happen to you a lot. The girls who did that were cruel and unfair, but they likely didn't understand what they were doing. It's not a condition that people know much about really. But therapy would likely help you learn how to read social cues enough to tell whether someone really wants to get to know you. And I'd also like to reiterate what was said about how just because it doesn't go past a 2nd or 3rd date doesn't necessarily mean you were rejected. I would really encourage you to find a professional who is experienced in counseling people with Asperger's and start the process of healing your past rejections and hopefully learn to trust again as well. You will find someone who loves you for you and who understands you and who will always be straightforward and bluntly honest so that you can trust her and never have to doubt her intentions or her heart. Be confident in that and pray that the Lord opens your heart to that.
Not to sound mean, but have you allowed your heart to go ahead and break? Sometimes sadness is all we feel for so long it hardens us. We automatically try to reject the feelings of those who have rejected us. You reject rejection. The only way to do that it seems is to not care, which is the process of a heart hardening. In the deafening silence of our own sadness, we allow God to speak to our hearts and he wants us to rely on him and his love. For God is love. Without God, there is no true love. When you allow yourself to feel that sadness (becoming the clay) God (the potter) can mold you and use you to offer the world his love.
I know exactly how you feel about the regection part. It is hard to build self confidence when every time you start feeling good about yourself and get the courage to ask someone out again they just lead you on and then stomp on your heart and it just tends to set you back even further and it takes longer the next time to get your self confidence back untill it is just a never ending cycle. I do hope that things will work out for you eventually though, its no fun being alone all the time.
Hi! I wonder if you have seen a specialist? Your case is
ADD, ADHD, and Aspergers Syndrome which is a special type of autism that is most misunderstood. You don't appear you need medical attention because you are a very bright student/pupil. But you do need it and perhaps left untreated.
You need to see a specialist doctor and you need to read some good books too regarding ego as a home work assignment for quick healing.
I recommend A New Earth (by Eckhart Tolle) which discuss a lot about ego. The core, the structure, the many faces of ego, the pain bodies (the DRAMA) etc.
Sermon on the Mount by Emmet Fox. It tackles about Christ teachings. Righteousness and sins committed already in the mind, not just a mere act. That's why Jesus said looking lustfully means adultery already and hatred means murder already.
These books both discussed that our outside life is a reflection of our inner or mental state. Therefore, we need to change the way we think. Biblically it says " be subject to the entire renewal of your MIND daily".. The WORD of God is good to meditate rather than thinking our pain, past and limitations. The promises of God will renew our mind if we start doing it. Read and DO.
Background of the ego. Our false self. Jesus usually said, "If you want to follow me, forget about yourself and come follow me". Self means EGO. That's why Jesus said, "My burden is light". Because being God, He has no ego. Satan's weapon.
Ego is the cause of depression, mental disorder, hypertention, emotional breakdown, obesity (caused by stress), insomia, anorexia, bolimia, suicide and many more. Survey shows 85% of sickness of wealthy counties are caused by the thought/mind. Elizabeth Taylor and Michael Jackson has pain killer and sleeping tablet addictions.
It was my battle myself for several years ago because of being egoistic. My testimony is, I am healed now completely.
Peace, joy and contentment I have now.
Your case is not isolated although it maybe obvious. Some are fighting the same battle as you, simply they can hide it. And that is the difference. The point is, evident or not both of you are suffering.
