I'm a little scared to post this as it is a very personal subject, but then so are half the things in the forums! I wasn't sure which forum was best suited for this, but let's just go with this one :)
I have struggled my whole life with different disorders. I have had OCD my whole life. I have grown a lot and learned to control my compulsive behaviors, but I do sometimes get a little compulsive still. However, that is now an underlying disorder.
I had a lot of issues with anxiety and depression as a child stemming from various incidences. Then when I was 13, I started going through some serious emotional issues, beyond just normal puberty.
All through middle school and high school, I turned to my parents, school counselors, teachers, youth pastors, pastors, Christian women in the church, etc. Other than my parents and of course the high school counselors since I went to a public high school, all anyone ever said was, "Pray and God will take it away." I prayed constantly and with faith that God would heal me. I begged and pleaded with Him for a few years. My parents at least took me to see a professional Christian counselor. She made me uncomfortable though, so I convinced her I was fine because I didn't want to see her. I went to a county social worker/counselor for a while, and she said I had generalized anxiety and gave me a medication for it, which made it worse. I turned to a lot of friends out of desperation and eventually lost many of those friends.
I started having frequent panic attacks in high school, and because my parents didn't understand, instead of trying to help me, they would just fight with me. I can't and don't blame them, but it did make things worse.
In college, I tried to start over and was doing okay, but I still couldn't escape. Back to the "pray and God will take it away" advice, I started praying constantly again that God would heal me, but He didn't. And that made me angry. Partly at God, but mostly at the church. Especially when, rather than ACTUALLY trying to help me, they shunned me. I finally had to just leave this church for a few years, a church I had gone to with my family for several years already, and even now it can be uncomfortable going back. I have never had a problem with the pastoral staff. They were and are all wonderful. It was just nearly everyone I knew in the congregation. I have found a couple of churches that I really like, so I'm attending one of them now when I go (I admit, occasionally I sleep through my alarm). It created a lot of bitterness in me. I finally forgave, but it was difficult.
I knew I had bipolar (I'd known since I was 14 and learned about it), but everyone kept telling me I was wrong because at that time, the DSM didn't allow for random/rapid cycling or mixed episodes, which is what I experienced. I tried everything--all the relaxation techniques, herbal and other OTC remedies, etc. Nothing worked. When I was almost done with high school, they finally split bipolar (haha, that's a mildly amusing pun) into two types, allowing for mine to finally be defined and diagnosable. But by that time, I had given up on getting help.
At 20, I got to a point where I couldn't function anymore. I called a psychiatrist and asked for help because I was desperate. They had me come in right away because they could tell less than 5 minutes into the call that I most definitely had bipolar. At this point it had gone undiagnosed (other than my correct self-diagnosis) for 7 years. They started me on a medication for it, and it has been almost 6 years now. It works and I do not struggle with bipolar symptoms anymore.
But it sometimes affects my relationships, romantic or otherwise, in ways that are not my fault. For example, I met this really great guy and we became close friends. I was scared to date because I had come out of a horrible relationship very recently, but we went back and forth. I knew it was unfair to him, but we still stayed friends. Then one day he told me that he didn't know what to do because his brother told him to stay away from me since I have bipolar. I had been completely open with this guy and he had done research and asked me questions and everything. He didn't have a problem with it and he knew me really well at that point. Then his brother said something, and his brother had never even met me. That put a little bit of doubt in this guy's mind. I got frustrated but let it go. Then he said something else to me, I don't remember what. So I told him if his brother said he shouldn't talk to me, then maybe he shouldn't. I wish I hadn't, but I was hurt. We haven't talked since.
I know this is a very long post, and I apologize. Sadly, this is what was left after I cut some stuff out. If anyone actually read it, thanks :)
I've just had a lot of problems with Christians because some can be very judgmental about it, as if I'm weak in my faith or "didn't pray hard enough." Plus it's hard that you can meet really great people who turn against you due to a lack of understanding/social stigma even though you did nothing to deserve it. I'm sure some of you have had similar experiences, so I thought maybe this would be a good place to post and share.
A lot of people have problems, such as depression, and having OCD. I too have OCD and anxiety too so they say mild cases.
I have had two failed marriages, who would want to be with someone who comes home one day to find all the furture rearranged. Then the next week moved again.
Having OCD is a blessing and a curse as it is hard to deal with someone who has it.
Don't let your "disorders" destroy your life. And I am sure you have prayed and cried to God and asked him Why. Just know you have a purpose in life and it is for God's will.
Imnot sure I have a right to re[;y here but I feel I must. I read all the post and can say first that you all have more courage than I can imagine myself ever having..
next I will say that I have some experience living with poeple with OCD Bi polor(sp) tourettes, depression, and a few other medical conditions. I know that many many poepel have a hard time being around peope who they think are different. If we do not understand something we often run from it. Believers should be above that but we are not. I have watched how peopel get treated when they are even slightly different than the rest of the world.. It simply sickens me.
I know I am a stranger but if you ever need to talk my mail box isopened I listen well and believe sometimes we just need to vent before we explode..
God Bless you all and know that I will be saying a prayer that you all find peace in your lives
Lady, you said some really important things that have always been on my heart too. I was rejected for being "different" and now that I'm not in the midst of all of it, I can see it happening to other people as well. Like you said it can be challenging being around people with those sorts of issues (it sure wasn't a picnic being around me before I started my meds, I'll be the first to admit that!) but it's important to not run. To add to running from what we don't understand, I think our society has an obsession with perfection, and I think that Christians in the United States are sometimes even worse about the perfection issue than non-Christians. It gets so frustrating when people pretend to be something they're not, especially when people who are real, open, honest, vulnerable, and raw get hurt in the process.
You mentioned tourettes and that made me think of the movie Phoebe in Wonderland. Have you seen it? It was such a powerful movie. Hard to watch, but such a good, beautiful movie, and completely applicable to this topic. I love it. I really related to it quite a bit. Even though tourettes and bipolar are very different, society's reaction to them is much the same.
BiPolar is a condition of the Brain. It is nothing you have done! It is not God punishing you! It is not a "curse" placed on you (although it can be a physical one and very real one).
A good Doctor is very important and will make a World of Different. Yes, there will be difficulties in a relationship, but many...many...many...MANY people have other issues that (to me) are Worst! And yet they are not stigmatized.
Any man that runs from this "condition" is a man that you do not need. You need a man that will be there when You Need Him to be there.
My suggestion is to not mention it early on and to only bring it up once you BOTH feel the relationship moving on.
There is a wonderful book called 'The Brain In LOVE' by Daniel G. Amen. It deals with exactly what you are going through. Please read it.
The Church has made mistakes in the past (and still does) in saying "Pray that God removes this burden".
While Praying is wonderful and God can and does do what He feels is good for us. Praying is often not enough. God gives us Free Will...which means that He does not Micro Manage.
You are not defined by a diagnosis. No one in this planet is "normal" infact, there is no clear definition of what normal means. Abnormal is whatever society or the majority deem as bewildering and/or flawed, unacceptable or not easily accepted. Well then, seeing as none of us are "perfect", we are all abnormal in some way. Either in our thinking, our habits, and as the Christian body as a whole... our belief in God- a divinity, our Creator.
I'm supposed to be OCD (several forms), ADHD, and highly GAD (general anxiety disorder). Think more of it as hyperactive compulsive unwanted thoughts. 10-12 at any time. Pills didn't help me in the past. Oddly we're all mentally ill (our hearts need transformation we can only receive from God, given to use in measures, when it is in His timing) Pharmaceutical companies love to make a buck. And people who are paid to diagnose people love to diagnose. My mom is a counselor. Pills never helped me and it's not to say that pills can't help some but what I've learned it really boils down to is needing to have a closer relationship to God. That's not to say you lack faith or to judge you and I apologize if I'm offending you with my words.
So pills didn't work for me and I've had to pray away alot of what would be considered my downfalls. However in our weaknesses, He (God) is made strong. There is alot of power in prayer. And if you feel people should know about your diagnosis that's one thing... first of all, it's not your diagnosis that makes YOU. Secondly, remember, we're all alittle nutty. I know how OCD can make it really hard. We have the obsessive thoughts. People get thoughts but not everyone dwells inside of their own heads i.e. self-love.
In scripture, Paul was very aware of his faults. He didn't have a diagnosis of any kind and he didn't constantly ask God "why?" I mean, if we spent less time asking "why?" we could make that 11 day journey and not stretch it into a 40 year long ordeal like the men of the Bible in search for milk and honey. We're human and we don't understand things even to the 10th percentage compared to God who is omnipotent and understanding of all.
I agree with you... there are alot of "not good" churches out there. A lot of false gospel, alot of people who said they were called to open up their own ministry but who possibly got caught up in wanting to know their will from God and instead of getting the answer they made up their own will from God? Who knows. Bible warns us of false teachings/teachers. There are alot of churches that are caught up in entertainment purposes... not that churches need to be "boring" but they shouldn't be equivalent to a country club neither.
I mean if all a person is getting out of church are a bunch of power points and neat laser shows, and videos of church camp, 20 minutes of singing and a lax 5 minute sermon... they're not going to gain much from the experience. However, we're supposed to discern whether a church is true or false. A good indication is if they are not simply preaching all the good or all the bad parts of the Bible. Without Truth and moderation we're stuck with a church full of "God will give you prosperity and abundant lives" or "God will send us all to Hell and we shalt fear the Lord!" First off, now correct me if I'm wrong here but... churches that do those that... we can't worship God and money and the word "fear" is meant as a reverence to God's power... NOT God is big, bad, and scary.
There are good churches out there. There are lots of awesome pastors out there who are imperfect (just as we are) who have lots of sinners sitting in the pews. Lots of pastors out there which seem to be awesome but are working another the power of another agent. That agent being the Enemy or in other words: Satan the Devil himself. And they have lots of sinners sitting down in their pews who are being deceived. We're all sinners. We strive to get better through the mercy and grace of God.
But to tell you to pray... that's the best advice they could give you. I mean if you wanted them to listen to you and tell you that you are not in control of the way you behave sometimes, etc. then it's a good thing they just told you to pray. We all have inner struggles, constantly. Especially since we have the Holy Spirit dwelling within us. Who gives us a good conscience and feelings of remorse. Not only do we have our soul (thoughts, will, emotions) trying to bring us down ALL THE TIME, we have our Spirit asking/telling us to do what's moral and what's right even when we don't always FEEL like doing it.
Part of the problem is we FEEL too much... forgetting we are not alone and there are billions of other people on this planet. Most who are in pain. I'm told and the Bible supports this idea... that if we focus on the pain of others and trying to help them that leaves less room for us to think about ourselves while God is working His magic. I hear it helps.
So instead of going to people, churches, to fix you, to help you find a cure... you're only going to get that from GOD. If you want support and encouragement you go to church, counselors, etc. but ultimately, they are also mortals. The most intelligent among them still aren't even a penny worth compared to God. All I can say is: I hope your future mate is a Christian. I hope you don't define you and your life by your diagnosis. And instead of looking up medical facts (not that they don't have their general uses. I mean, God did create doctors afterall) remember being a Christian is not a label. It's not meant to be a religion but a one-on-one personal ongrowing, neverending relationship with the Upmost High. A relationship that defies most scientists and medical expects and their studies.
I don't know your heart but if you're anxious, depressed, fearful, most of the time I can tell you it's in hurtin' condition and God can help you with this. The best advice I can give you is to focus not on guys at this time. I've had to do that myself. And to ask God to give you peace and to help you in your faith. And then, it's up to you to hold unto that peace. Not the church, not a counselor, no one other than you with the help of God of course. He runs this show.
And yes, we all falter sometimes. Great thing about being a Christian is we can confess when we fall down and God is always there. Willing to forgive us. Then we FULLY forgive others, off our lips and in our hearts. And we have to forgive ourselves too. Have a good non-anxious day. And I hope this is able to help in some way and not discourage you but to lift up your spirits. We live in a mad, mad world.
P.S. I didn't have a peachy king upbringing. We were very functional, dysfunctional. lol. And if you believe your parents love you then surely they did not mean to hurt you. We grow up and accept responsibility and work around what damaging effects our imperfect parents had on us. Most parents I know say they just want to give their kids what they never had, to do right by their kids moreso than their parents did with them. That's alot of pent up resentment.
Sure it's easy to say that when you're child is in the womb still or when you don't have kids of your own... but being a parent isn't easy I would imagine. Being responsible for the wellfare of a living, breathing, person with their own unique characteristics separate from their parent(s). Even if parents pride themselves on being "better", and maybe by some unforseen scale they are. But that's not point.
You are not defined by a diagnosis. No one in this planet is "normal" infact, there is no clear definition of what normal means. Abnormal is whatever society or the majority deem as bewildering and/or flawed, unacceptable or not easily accepted. Well then, seeing as none of us are "perfect", we are all abnormal in some way. Either in our thinking, our habits, and as the Christian body as a whole... our belief in God- a divinity, our Creator.
I'm supposed to be OCD (several forms), ADHD, and highly GAD (general anxiety disorder). Think more of it as hyperactive compulsive unwanted thoughts. 10-12 at any time. Pills didn't help me in the past. Oddly we're all mentally ill (our hearts need transformation we can only receive from God, given to use in measures, when it is in His timing) Pharmaceutical companies love to make a buck. And people who are paid to diagnose people love to diagnose. My mom is a counselor. Pills never helped me and it's not to say that pills can't help some but what I've learned: it really boils down to needing to have a closer relationship to God. That's not to say you lack faith or to judge you and I apologize if I'm offending you with my words.
So pills didn't work for me and I've had to pray away alot of what would be considered my downfalls. However in our weaknesses, He (God) is made strong. There is alot of power in prayer. And if you feel people should know about your diagnosis that's one thing... first of all, it's not your diagnosis that makes YOU. Secondly, remember, we're all alittle nutty. I know how OCD can make it really hard. We have the obsessive thoughts. People get thoughts but not everyone dwells inside of their own heads i.e. self-love.
In scripture, Paul was very aware of his faults. He didn't have a diagnosis of any kind and he didn't constantly ask God "why?" I mean, if we spent less time asking "why?" we could make that 11 day journey and not stretch it into a 40 year long ordeal like the men of the Bible in search for milk and honey. We're human and we don't understand things even to the 10th percentage compared to God who is omnipotent and understanding of all.
I agree with you... there are alot of "not good" churches out there. A lot of false gospel, alot of people who said they were called to open up their own ministry but who possibly got caught up in wanting to know their will from God and instead of getting the answer they made up their own will from God? Who knows. Bible warns us of false teachings/teachers. There are alot of churches that are caught up in entertainment purposes... not that churches need to be "boring" but they shouldn't be equivalent to a country club neither.
I mean if all a person is getting out of church are a bunch of power points and neat laser shows, and videos of church camp, 20 minutes of singing and a lax 5 minute sermon... they're not going to gain much from the experience. However, we're supposed to discern whether a church is true or false. A good indication is if they are not simply preaching all the good or all the bad parts of the Bible. Without Truth and moderation we're stuck with a church full of "God will give you prosperity and abundant lives" or "God will send us all to Hell and we shalt fear the Lord!" First off, now correct me if I'm wrong here but... churches that do those... we can't worship God and money and the word "fear" is meant as a reverence to God's power... NOT God is big, bad, and scary.
There are good churches out there. There are lots of awesome pastors out there who are imperfect (just as we are) who have lots of sinners sitting in the pews. Lots of pastors out there which seem to be awesome but are working under the power of another agent. That agent being the Enemy or in other words: Satan the Devil himself. And they have lots of sinners sitting down in their pews who are being deceived. We're all sinners. We strive to get better through the mercy and grace of God.
But to tell you to pray... that's the best advice they could give you. I mean if you wanted them to listen to you and tell you that you are not in control of the way you behave sometimes, etc. then it's a good thing they just told you to pray. We all have inner struggles, constantly. Especially since we have the Holy Spirit dwelling within us. Who gives us a good conscience and feelings of remorse. Not only do we have our soul (thoughts, will, emotions) trying to bring us down ALL THE TIME, we have our Spirit asking/telling us to do what's moral and what's right even when we don't always FEEL like doing it.
Part of the problem is we FEEL too much... forgetting we are not alone and there are billions of other people on this planet. Most who are in pain. I'm told and the Bible supports this idea... that if we focus on the pain of others and trying to help them that leaves less room for us to think about ourselves while God is working His magic. I hear it helps.
So instead of going to people, churches, to fix you, to help you find a cure... you're only going to get that from GOD. If you want support and encouragement you go to church, counselors, etc. but ultimately, they are also mortals. The most intelligent among them still aren't even a penny worth compared to God. All I can say is: I hope your future mate is a Christian. I hope you don't define you and your life by your diagnosis. And instead of looking up medical facts (not that they don't have their general uses. I mean, God did create doctors afterall) remember being a Christian is not a label. It's not meant to be a religion but a one-on-one personal ongrowing, neverending relationship with the Upmost High. A relationship that defies most scientists and medical expects and their studies.
I don't know your heart but if you're anxious, depressed, fearful, most of the time, I can tell you it's in hurtin' condition and God can help you with this. The best advice I can give you is to focus not on guys at this time. I've had to do that myself. And to ask God to give you peace and to help you in your faith. And then, it's up to you to hold unto that peace. Not the church, not a counselor, no one other than you with the help of God of course. He runs this show.
And yes, we all falter sometimes. Great thing about being a Christian is we can confess when we fall down and God is always there. Willing to forgive us. Then we FULLY forgive others, off our lips and in our hearts. And we have to forgive ourselves too. Have a good non-anxious day. And I hope this is able to help in some way and not discourage you but to lift up your spirits. We live in a mad, mad world.
P.S. I didn't have a peachy king upbringing. We were very functional, dysfunctional. lol. And if you believe your parents love you then surely they did not mean to hurt you. We grow up and accept responsibility and work around what damaging effects our imperfect parents had on us. Most parents I know say they just want to give their kids what they never had, to do right by their kids moreso than their parents did with them. That's alot of pent up resentment.
Sure it's easy to say that when your child is in the womb still or when you don't have kids of your own... but being a parent isn't easy I would imagine. Being responsible for the wellfare of a living, breathing, person with their own unique characteristics separate from their parent(s). Even if parents pride themselves on being "better", and maybe by some unforseen scale they are. But that's not the point.
Cowgirl, pixy, am glad for you holding on to your faith, that with all the troubles you remain believers as testimony. God will not give us troubles beyond our capacity to bear.
If I have not experienced some first hand, I think I could not relate to what you shared. When I was a young mother, we rented a space with a family where the mother was suffering from nervous breakdown. Many times she will just grab me and guide my hands to her head and make me massage it while she pours whatever is her resentment and troubles. I listened and massaged and encouraged her tho deep inside I was thinking she might be just acting. She trembles and I think she has fears, I just don�t know on what, she said she has nervous breakdown and I don�t know what that is.
That was 21 years ago. About 3 years ago, I remember her nervous breakdown when I begin to tremble in fear in the middle of the night with the rain falling or little sounds I hear which before did not bother me. I cannot control it, I lost sleep, my heart beats faster, I think of worst things to happen, I prayed, read my Bible, I sang praise and worship, but still the feeling stayed with me. One time in the middle of the night trembling with fear I texted the police I saw burglar coming in the opposite house and in 5 minutes the force circled that house while I observed from my window. I was so embarrassed, great the chief reassured me my false alarm served them as a dry run.
Then I got a puppy, my only companion while my girls were staying in the university. I believe God sent him to me, his company cures my developing nervous breakdown. In addition, I busy myself with gardening, or when I feel really sad, I read those authors I love reading. Watching my flowers grow, how delicate rose petals are, the variety of leaves there are, bougainvillas in red white pink orange and many shades, God�s creation is wonderful. Or Philippines is really just a beautiful country! I think beauty in nature is great therapy.
Read your post and can relate....I was diagnosed bipolar in 2001. It's mild, and easily taken care of with meds. But I don't rely merely on them. I spent a good 3 months in counseling learning the ins-and-outs of the disorder, how to deal with it, and what the benefits can be. I went to a christian counselor who was more than gracious with me and willing to help me see how I'm not 'cursed' or that God didn't make me imperfect.
It takes a long time to understand and work with the issues. I always make sure to bring it up front when I begin a dating relationship because I want the other person to know up front. I don't use it as an excuse when I screw up or am having a bad day.
Hold your head high, God made you this way for a reason! As odd as it sounds, he's got it all under control, even when it seems like total chaos!
