"Having said that, sex opens up a much deeper connection between two people than can be had otherwise, and I don't think it's something women need to fear or be worried about - within marriage it truly is something to look forward to."
I absolutely agree! Having been married, within the institution of marriage, sex is extremely important and something to be cherished! Indeed, in my mind and even at my age :winksmile:, to me a marriage without making love would be difficult, if not impossible, for me. That said, however, there is definitely a time and place for important and necessary discussions about a sexual future and IMHO an email may not be the most appropriate place for this!
Thank you for your words of guidance and support. You are a blessing to us!
Pardon me if I chime in here! Tuckygirl, please hold fast to your principals and self-esteem! As I'm coming to see, online "dating" isn't at all like 3-D dating. I had envisioned a Fellowship Hall, filled with singles of all types, mingling around, making friends, having dialogue, caring about one another with the possibility of finding a compatible person to date and perhaps more.
Instead, we find a few folks talking together while hundreds look on a la meat-market style. Yes, men fall in love with their eyes first, which certainly was easier when we were 20! So now we have to find a different way to meet and attract a mate. IMHO, once we are older (and Praise God, wiser!) we women tend to fall in love with a man's values first.
In this 2-D place, of necessity I suppose, too much emphasis is placed on that doggone profile picture! Perhaps if women ruled the cyber-dating world, we would make men read our profiles and have a few emails back and forth before the exchange of pictures. (This may sound weird, but I intentionally have posted a less-than-flattering picture of myself because I like to under-promise and over-deliver!) But I digress . . .
Tucky, do not let this online experience make you question yourself. You've got it right! Take this as an opportunity to rediscover what is important to you, to hone your discernment process and to reach out to those you find interesting.
I apologize for taking so long to respond to your last response to me. This program wouldn't post what I wrote because I used a slang word for "gamble" and then, POOF all my writing was deleted. So, let me try again.
"I don�t even know how to ask for help anymore. Everything always ends up with �you just have to be content on your own.� Or �it�s not my responsibility.� "
Help can come in many ways. While none of us here can solve the problem of your loneliness, we can offer support and encouragement. And, as you can tell by the number of responses you've gotten, many of us can relate to what you say and are trying to "help." Please continue to reach out and stay active on the Forums as they are at least a bit of company.
"I can�t even figure what to ask for, because whatever I ask for is going to be wrong. This is one of the worst parts about Asperger�s is not being able to communicate how I am feeling or what I am thinking because it always gets twisted around. Everyone always starts off with the assumption that I am wrong, and all I do is spend all my time trying to prove I am right, and the whole idea of helping me gets tossed out the window."
While having Aspergers's makes communication more difficult, I think all of us struggle to get our ideas across in this 2-dimensional medium. Most times it is easier to understand what someone is saying if we can hear the tone in their voice or see the expression on their face. I suppose that's what the silly emoticons are for. You responded wonderfully about a possible miscommunication that I posted about the other day.
Can you volunteer to work with children or youth who also have Asperger's? I have found that reaching out to offer help to others helps me so much!
Welcome JC! Let me echo what Tucky said. I've found some interesting dialogue on the Forums, so check those out. Most of the "men" who contact me are scammers so it's very challenging to decide who is genuine and who isn't. Make sure you read all the stuff on here about scammers and their nasty little tricks. Yup, and NEVER give out your private email!
Hope to see you round & may God bless your search!
"But your only solution is for me to continue to be alone. I must �fix myself� before I am good enough to be with someone. I am so sick and tired of all this BS."
I never said you needed to "fix yourself" before you are good enough to be with someone. I said you should fill up your life with God, community, the church.
While I am trying to be supportive and caring, you seem to want to vent your anger on me. That's not the way to make friends.
Please find a support system. Google "Adults with Aspergers Support" and see if there isn't some online support you can get.
May God keep you in loving arms and surround you with the kind of love and support you need.
Oh, geez, it IS the norm with online dating? Egads, I'm way outta my league then! I'd sorta like to know the guys last name and birthday before I get asked about sex!
OK, so I think I'll just be content to hang around these Forums and chat with folks rather than have to deal with the sex issue right off the bat. There are some things I'm not compromising!
" I�m not wanting to marry just anyone, but the mere fact that I want to marry SOMEONE is proof that there is something wrong with me."
So, you are saying that you want to be married, but haven't found the right one yet, correct? And somehow this is proof that there is something wrong with you? I don't see the logic in that. Being content, or satisfied, doesn't mean that we don't continue to strive forward, to grow, to learn, etc.
"If you are perfectly content being alone, then why would you bother looking for someone? If you are truly content being alone, then why are you on this site?"
Cobbler, I am content within myself that if God chooses for me to remain alone, I will be OK. While I would prefer to remarry (hence, this site) my life will go on and I will continue to serve God, and my family & community.
"The point of marriage is to be there for each other in the good, and the bad, so long as you don�t ACTUALLY have any real problems. So basically if I am not happy being alone, if I am not perfect, then I am broken and not worth the effort."
I would advise that you stop listening to bad advice like the above. While I am not a mental health professional, I detect signs and symptoms of depression in what you say and am greatly concerned. There are plenty of us who have suffered from depression and it is very treatable. Please contact a mental health professional in your area for some support and guidance. There are great Pastoral Counselors and Christian Counselors out there. It sounds like you've had a very difficult time lately and could use a caring, supportive person to listen and offer advice. While we in this online community can try to be helpful and supportive to our brothers and sisters in Christ, we are not trained to give you the right advice about all things.
God loves you and wants the best for you, and so do we.
"Many people have told me that I shouldn�t get married if I am not content being alone. If a guy is perfectly content being alone, why do you think he would want to get married? What would be the point of disrupting a perfectly content life?"
***It is up to each of us, as individuals, to make ourselves content. No one can do that for us. We must fill up our lives for ourselves.
***For once we are content, and secure in ourselves, then we have true love to offer to another person.
***Most of us (who have been married) would probably say that we choose to marry when we could no longer imagine our lives without that special person who has joined us on our journey.
Therefore, the ideal is to go from having a content life to meeting your potential mate, thereby making you discontent unless you marry.
