Matt 5:31"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.'32But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
Are you the one to cause her marital unfaithfulness or will he be the unfaithful one?
Either way, according to the scripture, for her it is to be "until death do we part". She is cleaved to him because of the children, if he is a good father and provider she should honor him in marriage, always.
1 Peter 3: 1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that,> if any of them do not believe the word,< they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,
A true Sister who belong to the body of Christ and is married would take that to heart.
I present this because of the issue of physical interaction play a part in the ritual of dating. Many who are weak in their resolve and character feel that holding hands, kissing, and hugging would tend to lead one into temptation. I agree the flesh is weak, but I believe God made it that way. In that it forces a man and a woman into being what the Lord created them to be. To be as one.
Now, we can see why the matter of courtship is a difficult thing to undertake as far as what we believe is pleasing in God's eyes. There are no rules in the bible where the issue of courtship is defined. Examples of how we are to present ourselves after we wed are many though. Some would find the dating process a waste of time, money, and emotional energy.
Should we all agree then that we should marry to date? To not use eachother as a garment, trying them on before making a decision to have them be a part of our lives? Judging them? With engagements, if a promise is made, how long do we take before celebrating the union? Most states it is a three day process before the a marriage is legally recognized and a wedding can be performed.
We choose who we love. Can we live by that? Some out there have become familiar with many single individuals who are available to them. Friends from work, from church, from the neighborhood. Is it a challenge to look at them, make a decision and instead of asking them out on a date, making a marriage proposal? Seems farfetch but it is biblically sound. "I know you, I want you, I gotta have you." Easy right? It's cut and dry, means to an end, and immediate to the point.
A dating site increases our options, we are not confined to the choices in our daily lives, by getting to know eachother by notes and phone calls could we make an important decision? Travel hundred of miles to marry someone we have never met face to face? "Sleepless in Seattle"? "You've Got Mail"? Maybe not fairy tales.
I don't think it is who we choose to love that keeps us from bonding with someone, I don't even think it is the fear of making the wrong choice. I think we fear love itself, for how does the bible define love?
1 Cor 13:4-7 ( The Message)
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Grace, mercy, forgiveness, and sacrifice, that is what our Heavenly Father shows us. It is because the Lord loves each of us that much. Is it so hard to make a promise to someone and love them in that way?
Thank you Sister for wanting to watch over your Brothers in Christ.
I would like to remind everyone that economic times are tough, it is unfortunate but I believe that there is going to be a rise in scammers and not a dating site that is going to be immuned to them (especially the free ones and there are quite a few secular ones out there). We all try to be Godly and be of goodwill, that along with our desires for companionship make everyone an easy target, men and women.
Again, if you are requested for financial help chance are it is a scammer...tell them the best you can do is pray for them and report the incident. Remember too that if you release your phone number it could be use to scamming you into a long distant carrier and you could start seeing surprises on your phone bill.
We always try to use good judgement but now we have to be extra careful. May the Lord watch over us.
This is for both guys and girls..Do you believe it is okay to hold hands ,kiss,ect. while dating or engaged? Or do you believe you should abstain from all physicall contact until you are married/wether you were married before or not?
Posted : 24 Jan, 2009 10:28 PM
Brother Leon,
I believe what you say is true. We do choose who we love, but if we turn to the Song of Solomon what do we see? We see a King who had desires, whose words show that longing is not an unrighteous act. There is a difference between longing for someone and lusting for worldly gratification. But what creates that longing? It is the spark, the chemistry, the touch.
Let's not confuse longing for someone with lusting. We long for the things we love, we lust for the things we can't have.
It's been some time since I've had a date, it went well and we did talk after it, but we just faded away from each other.
I can handle myself on a date, be entertaining, proper, interesting. But I have to say, I empathize with you. After the first date, if there is nothing there I won't arrange another one. I would probably go out with the person again and give it another shot if they initiated the next date.
Funny, I won't date from the congregation. Guess I see it awkward, like dating someone from work. If the expectations aren't met then you still have to see those individuals on a regular basis. Dealing with people on a one to one basis is different than interacting in a group setting. I mean, what if you really like them and they don't feel the same way about you (above being social that is)? Then you have to look at them with a little longing in your heart. Do you understand what I mean?
I guess we just have to play the cards as they are being dealt, trust in God. Maybe the best date would be to meet for breakfast before mid-morning worship service. Invite someone who doesn't attend our church and have them sit next to us after breakfast. Would definately see where their heart is and if nothing comes out of it, we don't have to feel awkward.
This is for both guys and girls..Do you believe it is okay to hold hands ,kiss,ect. while dating or engaged? Or do you believe you should abstain from all physicall contact until you are married/wether you were married before or not?
Posted : 24 Jan, 2009 03:59 PM
How much of the magic do you want to happen? The human touch is a powerful thing, I say (aside from holding hands and holding each other) if it goes below the top of the shoulders it's a no-no. Kissing lips, eyes, nose, ears, neck, and shoulders are ok.
I sat here in my chair and pondered the question, let's be honest and realistic. If there's no sparks before marriage how can we be guaranteed that there will be after? If this person we are contemplating sharing our life with doesn't do it for us before the honeymoon, what's gonna change? There's gotta some "ringing of bells", some tingling, some warmth, some goosebumps. We don't live in a world of pre-arranged marriages. I pray that God would not present a gift to only where one partner could enjoy it. Plus, where's the incentive to expediate the courtship? I would think two people would want to marry eachother before there is a wedding.
I have faith that it is not the Lord's wish for two (or even one) to be stuck in an unsatisfying marriage. For love to grow there has to be a spark which turns into a burning passion. After the wedding a man and a woman turns that passion into a flame, the fun part is trying to keep that flame lit.
What Paul is trying to say in that sometimes a man and a woman has to make concessions (compromise) when is comes to pleasing eachother physically. But only under the sanctity of marriage.
We are suppose to satisfy our partners physically and when we are called to do so, unless there is an agreement (compromise). We do not withhold our bodies from our mates because we had a bad day, we don't fell like doing it right now, can we wait until the program I'm watching is done, can't you see I'm doing the laundry, or I'm too tired. Let this go on long enough and because of "the lack of self control" our partner will venture outside of the marraige to seek satisfaction (being tempted by Satan) which "causes them to sin". So it is not a sin to compromise, it is a sin not to.
Again, "If we don't compromise then we are destined to spend the rest of our lives alone."
Compromise doesn't have to be a bad thing and generally both parties have to make some concessions to come to an agreement.
1 Cor 7 (NIV)
1Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. 2But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6I say this as a >concession
The issue of "carnality" always arises with the interactions between a man and a woman. The degree varies with the amount of intimate moments they share. The human soul is weak, since we are made of flesh we tend to succumb to the things of the flesh. This is especially harder for those not mature in their walk with the Lord. Many "healthy" Christian relationships have been ended because of this. Christian marriages are not immune to the issue of divorce because one has strayed once too many times.
So it is up to the stronger one, do not put yourself in a situation where intimacy is an issue. The ways to communicate without direct interaction are many. "Dating" is a process to form a bonding. When prolonged, it shows how one can be dedicated to another. There is no rule for how many times a couple should date before establishing the basis for a relationship and there isn't any rule on how long two people should be familiar with each other before getting married. For a "Godly" relationship is built on faith in God.
We all live in fear here on earth and now, with the world economic crises our fears are more elevated. Our fears makes us turn to the Lord for strength, but through fellowship we can find comfort, we don't have to go through our fears alone. Maybe now is not the time to seek an earthly companionship, but be fulfilled in assisting others.
If we don't compromise then we are destined to spend to spend the rest of our lives alone.
