That was my thing too, rach, I didn't want my kids to go through the ordeal. But I have them most of the time now anyway, and her ungodly influence, abuse, anger and.. sorry.. stupidity is no longer in my home, so there is no yelling, everything is copacetic, and I can raise them in the lord with no intervention or confusion.
It's a rough road, just do what's right, hold on, hold out, talk to people, vent, snarl, whatever, get through it. You will. Oddly enough, time has made it easier. It's been a year now. and I am fine.
I am narcassistic, arrogant, egotistical, over confident, full of myself, and concieted, and very proud.
Been my struggle since day one. And oddly enough, I know we are not supposed to let others think more highly of then they ought. There are times when the lord badgers me enough to where I disolve into some semblence of false modesty, but it always rises up its ugly head again.
Now notice, here, I'm at least honest. I know myself quite well, been alive a long time, and been a christian for 20 something years. HOWEVER. I know how to love. And I am known as a person who is self sacraficing and who will do anything for someone when they need it. I do not put my own needs before others.
See, I am a huge dichotomy. I am as hard as nails, but as soft as a fluffy bunny. I am sarcastic but have an incredible ability to show empathy, grace, and be very gentle. I am wild and free, but very respondant to peoples needs.
I struggled with this for years and years and years. I am just kinda.. who I feel I need to be at any given time, for the best effect. very odd to be me.
Here is what I finally came up with. There is a difference between personality, and character. My character, as a christian, is right on. I have all the do's and dont's down to a T. But my personality makes me just flat out off the hook. And you can change your character, but you are born, created, and raised with your personaility.
When I read the bible, the apostle paul says ALOT of things that come of like he just had the biggest superiority complex ever. He didn't, he was just sure of who God made him, and God's purpose for his life. He even said *follow me, and in following me, follow christ.* whew. I would not dare.
So my deal is this, It's not about me. It's about Jesus. My life verse is John 3:30 - He must increase, I must decrease.
I don't want to leave an impression on people about how cool *alex* is, I want people who interact with me to say, wow that guy is off the hook, but he sure loves jesus, and he loves me too.
I'm complicated. Such is life.
Just beware false humility, or modesty. Alot of believers were those like a disquise. I don't I am just flat out me. I've no need. I know what I am here to do, and I do it. I love those around me. despite my rediculous personality.
this is really, honestly, my least favorite topic. I lived with a frigid woman, my wife, for many years. It was hell. I am all fire and passion, love, life and laughter, and she was a dead fish.
The reason she was cold, she cheated on me several times and the guilt made her close off to me. I did everything I could to help her over come it, but wow. there is seriously, just no going back sometimes.
How did I deal with it? Well I'll tell you one thing about women, believe me on this one,
you know how your community will be having a fund raiser and as more people donate money they mark the red up higher and higher on the thermostat looking sign/billboard. Like we have 400,000 out of 500,000 we need for the new bridge project or whatever? then when you reach the top, they build the bridge?
Ok, guys have this idea in thier head that if they give and give and do and do, that women will pay off when they get to the top. Nope. Not the case. Women, as a general rule, need to feel intimate in order to be intimate.
I didnt have a problem until my wife cheated on me. all was well. what do you do? SO yes this is a topic I strongly dislike because you know, here is the thing. I would rather play out in the back yard with the kids, go to the pool, take a hike through the forest, interact with freinds and family, then hop in bed anyway. There is a time and a place for everything, but I am 36 now, not in my 20's, I have 5 kids, and there is alot more to life then sex.
If you prioritze everything, be the right person, do the right things, it all falls in line, in order. normally.
Guys, don't forget to be romantic, Girl's, don't take your guy for granted.
Oddly enough, I've had this happen to me. several times. And i've done it once, to someone, realized what i was doing, and stopped, and appologized. And from that experience I learned a few things.
When things move too fast or they come on really strong
when it seems too good to be true
when they focus on flattery and compliments
if there is ANY sexual discussion - always bad.
what is the content of the discussions? we all know there are good topics and bad topics, and reality and such and people who are genuine will dialog with you about any given thing at any time, that you are interested in.
They use alot of *pet names*
they are fickle
See, this is what happened to me. (this was a long time ago) I had a gal make me think she was all into me and would leave me hanging for days, then she would show back up like nothing happened and use all these pet names and flattery, and say all these incredible things, then dissappear again. I finally asked her some very serious questions and she kinda backed off, and shut down and then I warned her I would not continue the discussions with her unless she came up with some real answers to my very real concerns and inquireys.
She basically ran at that point.
Some people, for whatever odd reason, like to toy with your emotions and will just... i dunno, its like sadism or something, they want to see if they can do it? But they have no intention of making a true commitment.
I did something similar, as I said, to a girl, on this website, quite some time ago. I kind of came and went, talked to her when I felt like it, said nice things to her to keep her coming back for more, and then she started to get attached and I pulled away, And I didn't even know I was doing it. I seriouosly didn't, it just would come to that point in the conversation where she would ask me something about *us* ie her and I, and I would kinda change the subject or go beat around the bush. I guess I liked that she was attracted to me, and I liked how that made me feel, but when it came down to it, I knew, in my heart, she wasnt the right person for me, and I wasnt the right person for her, but I was lonely and I was kind of using her for attention. We weren't talking all hot and heavy or anything, just talked alot about life and love and such, kids, this and that, no sex stuff, but she wanted more of me, I knew it, didnt tell her, and led her on.
this was a long time ago after my wife left me. and here is the deal, and you can quote me on this:
Desperation draws the wrong people at the wrong time, loneliness makes us lay quick claim to them.
I was not doing it to amuse myself, I just liked the attention but had no intention of commiting. So I realized this, and I asked her to forgive me, and she deleted her account on this website and disappeared. And I vowed to never do anything of that nature again.
