wow, thanks gloryshine and Tristan, REALLY helpful!
Sis glory, your stance is very encouraging. I refuse to let someone's flippancy discourage me henceforth!
I am a go getter and once I knew I was ready for a relationship, it was a goal. Just like at work, I have objectives and I meet them. The one difference is that with dating, no known analytical modeling works with human beings, right? Else, John Gray and Barbara De Angelis would not be divorced. LOL! That�s when I am reminded to soft pedal and let God lead � which is where I stand with the site now. I came to that realization several weeks ago: just make friends, enjoy them, learn about men in general, and wait for God�s own. Problem is, behind my mind, I know my ultimate goal is to be in a fulfilling Christ-like marriage. It�s hard not to get carried away ever so often when a similitude shows up. That�s when I have to sort the true seekers from the gamers. Thanks again. Great tips from you both!
This is similar to the "Why do some wo/men disappear" post, but please I really want to learn. This whole love pursuit thing wearies me out sometimes. Even though I am now on this site to make friends, still it can be hard to figure people out and their true intent. Human beings are just so complicated, I wish we had a brainet (like internet) where you can dial into people�s brain and KNOW what they are thinking, no guessing.
So the question is: How do you recognize someone who is �playing games�? I just don�t have time to waste on games, but I also don�t want to misjudge. One would assume Christians do not play games but it looks like that is a na�ve way of thought?
Please fill in the gap. I know s/he is playing games when _________________
** Please this is not intended to bash a particular sex � male or female. I value all opinions but please please please and please, do offer it in a manner that shows respect to all. Thanks in advance!!!
First, my public apology. Please forgive any offences.
I was/am worried that you did not balance your message with tenderness to the hearer, hence my reference to praying for the shepherd�s heart. You have a lot of zeal which is EXTREMELY commendable. I think God can achieve even more in that, if it is tempered with the tenderness of a shepherd's heart that will build up in an INCREDIBLE way. I have seen zeal become arrogance if it is not carefully tempered with tenderness, tearing down where it could have easily been building up.
Please do not go, but rather, expand your giftedness in Christ.
PS: I have twin brothers. If you met our Taiwo, you'd be glad at who shares your name! We have a lot in common, bro, keep the faith!
sweet sis gloryshine, you state "I don't understand frigidity at all. I can't imagine not having that aspect of your life looked after.", you assume marriages are always affectionate, but is that really so? I think lack of affection could quickly result in coldness. Not palatable for either parties and not right, but I think it happens. This is more real for people who have suffered some kind of abuse in marriage (verbal/Physical/emotional). Also VERY pronounced for people married to emotionally unavailable narcissist spouses. But in Christ, all can learn to love the right way. Hey, drinks doses of Song of Solomon and the frigidity should flee, no? SEX IS GODLY and GOD INTENDED to be ENJOYED!
kristiankidd , no offence but you've got the fire alright. Have you been married before to a frigid woman? If not, don�t quickly conclude that you would handle it bravely. It is God that works in us BOTH to WILL and to DO! You know, I have been a Christian since I was young and having gone through campus fellowship, I have learnt to pray for zealous brethren to keep the zeal. Please remember, it is God that works in us! GRACE! Period! I have seen too many become spiritually arrogant and fall. Unfortunately, the fallen giants are the most difficult to recover. It is great to have the zeal, God loves that, but please remember it is sola gratia. Grace Alone! May I challenge you to seek God in leading you as a teacher of His flock with a shepherd�s heart? You have a lot of content but do seek God on its use � to build. The world is waiting for people like you to build, not to tear down. You have a LOT to offer, dear brother! Use it for HIS glory!
I want to write more but now I am too tired - its been a long day. I am not frigid though! LOL. I promise y�all, if I had the right man by my side right now, affectionately all mine, in the right Godly arrangement (marriage), this tiredness will flee in the twinkle of an eye and I�d be ready for action ;-)
So... u ready, kdhny11? I realize you are a wounded soldier, so I am ready for your return shots (wait, gimme a sec to pull on my bullet proof vest, k?).
Jokes apart though, sorry you had a bad "British experience" but if I were you, I wouldn�t generalize. Reading your post at a high level could indicate deep seated hurts resulting in generalization. I am first to admit that British people are not as warm as Americans. Hey, my first holiday back home to England after I came here, I stood out. I would be on the bus and in the American way I had learned, would smile at everyone, only to be greeted by stare downs! Everyone adores babies here, I smiled at babies in London and moms got scared of me. LOL! So, granted, you have a point. The way it comes across though, indicates an opportunity to let go. I challenge you, what if God brought the warmest most beautiful British woman into your life? You sound so closed up, you may not see the gift of God in front of you.
My family is British, I am not, but my family is one of the warmest I know (no bias). My dad and I kissed each other until I was in College and a roommate said �ewww� to it. I was embarrassed and never kissed him again. LOL! And there are many families like that in England. Please don�t be biased - For your own good. Generalizations can cheat us all of blessings. You have to let go your agenda to God. Remember, he gives the desires of our heart � but as a father, He tames those desires to His will. Simple logic � my daughter rarely asks for Soda or other undesirable things. Her desires are tamed to my discipline, and I give her the desires of her heart. Sometimes, I give her what she considers �undesirable� but as we spend time together in relationship, her desires are tamed to mine (under God, k? I am NOT bringing up a robot, pls!).
Disclaimer - All rights reserved! Sorry, I don�t have the patience to read the detailed long posts so I have only schemed through. LOL, I know mine are not the shortest either, so grace to you if you read mine in details! Anyways, that to say, I may be off here! However, no fear of being corrected ;-)
