niafransisca:I know this is odd: a complete stranger giving you detailed instructions on how to change your life. But I hope that you will not feel judged by this reply. I saw the way you asked for help, and I knew that I should offer what I could in the way of advise. The kind of change you are looking for is huge, and needs some real dedication.
I did a study on verbal abuse (the most common kind, and the one most often leading into physical violence). The causes are really very simple: The abuser doesn't know how to identify, let alone communicate, his or her feelings. When the victim tries to address the issue, frustration only grows, until the abuser lashes out at the "source" of that anger: the one who is trying to help. Each situation is slightly different, but the rules that apply to real personal change are universal.
1st: get out of that relationship. It's hard, but it's necessary. If you bring harm to your partner, then something is wrong, and until you fix your own personal issues, it will only get worse. Give yourself and your partner a time frame--say, 9-24 months--to resolve your separate problems. If you have grown some during that time, maybe things can work out. If not, maybe it's good to let each other move on.
2nd: seek help. God can be all things to us, his children, and he makes all things possible. Pray, but don't just stop there. Actively seek the knowledge and advice of pastors, counselors, friends/family... ...whoever is helpful and up to the task.
3rd: follow through. Keep a daily Journal to help you reflect on the day and the things you struggled with. When you don't know what a good measure of behavior is, go back to scripture. Remember,
The fruit of the Spirit is: Love, Joy, Piece, Patience, Kindness,Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-Control; against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23
The Word is God's Love letter, a list of instructions for living in his will and finally in his home with him. Your relationship with God is the first one you need to repair.
I'm kind of in my own time of fear for the future: for independence, relationships, career, and education. I've never been in a relationship, perhaps because I'm socially awkward, and never found someone who fit the bill without reservations. I can tell you that God has a plan for you: to give you a hope and a future. Life is only the process of finding out what He has in store for you.
Don't give up and be single forever. But don't drive yourself crazy either. Just pray and try to live the best life you can, and be the best friend that you can. Eventually, one of those friends might say: "I don't ever want to part ways. I want to be your friend for Life."
Thank you for the honesty, Critmusic. I think that there is some truth in both respects. Many people think that having friends and followers on their favorite social networks proves them to be happy, healthy, can-do-no-wrong-because-my-"friends"-approve socialites. But we don't really know people until we interact with them in person, and get out of our own heads to figure out who they really are.
Humanity is losing polite and kind behavior. But if we lead by example, sometimes we'll get some friendly responses. In order to have friends, it is necessary to BE a friend. And you cannot have a true mate until she is truly your friend.
Also, the more you respond to unreasonable behavior, the more that person feels "justified" in being unreasonable. The bible says that the greatest two commandments, which sum up all of the Law are: "love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength" and "love your neighbor as yourself". So, respond to belligerence with patience and kindness. Ask God to grow the fruit of the Spirit in your life. If they keep being rude, just walk away. Eventually, the right ones will try to stick around.
It would be fun. I personally have a small collection of poetry and prose that I wrote during emotional trials, or just for fun. It becomes a testimony of someones life, and who they are in Christ, and what Christ has done for them. My next reply will be a poem I wrote. It is something that I think most of the people on this website can appreciate or identify with.
this should be a category under the pop culture and arts for members to submit their own ideas and poems and references. sometimes the best ideas are the ones you share with your friends.
Why is it that when I type �Ultimate Beauty� into the google images search engine, the first page is filled with models, actresses, and images of make-up? I have seen beautiful men & women, and while I believe them to be attractive, my spirit does not pause for them. My first thought at the words �ultimate beauty� are of events in my life in which Nature was on display, in all of its glory. Indeed, if Creation is only a shadow of who God is, then shouldn�t he be considered Magnificent, the Ultimate Beauty?
I find it beautiful when a newborn is in the room. I find it beautiful when a person�s heart and attitudes are warm and open to strangers. I find that beauty lies not in the appearance of something, but in that thing�s nature and purpose.
It is the nature of a woman to wish to please herself by pleasing others (whether in appearance or behavior, usually both), thus she is beautiful. It is the nature of men and women to seek the answers to hard questions, thus they are beautiful. It is the purpose of mankind to Glorify God by acting as a demonstration of His love for us and acting as an example of our Love and Trust in Him, thus WE are beautiful.
Why is it that when I type �Ultimate Beauty� into the google images search engine, the first page is filled with models, actresses, and images of make-up? I have seen beautiful men & women, and while I believe them to be attractive, my spirit does not pause for them. My first thought at the words �ultimate beauty� are of events in my life in which Nature was on display, in all of its glory. Indeed, if Creation is only a shadow of who God is, then shouldn�t he be considered Magnificent, the Ultimate Beauty?
I find it beautiful when a newborn is in the room. I find it beautiful when a person�s heart and attitudes are warm and open to strangers. I find that beauty lies not in the appearance of something, but in that thing�s nature and purpose.
It is the nature of a woman to wish to please herself by pleasing others (whether in appearance or behavior, usually both), thus she is beautiful. It is the nature of men and women to seek the answers to hard questions, thus they are beautiful. It is the purpose of mankind to Glorify God by acting as a demonstration of His love for us and acting as an example of our Love and Trust in Him, thus WE are beautiful.
