Well, we've been talking for a while and gone out twice, but it seems as though he's not just "quiet". I like him well enough, but I am usually the one to text or plan things. I don't know, maybe I'm just looking at his quiet nature and thinking, "How the heck am I to know if he even likes me well enough?" I know I'm not the only lady who likes to be pursued and to know that the person in front of her is really interested in her. I get this awkward feeling like I'm leading the relationship...
I'm kind of lost here. I know that starting at friendship really sets some boundaries, but if a guy likes you, wouldn't he be the one the plan a date, make a call, or initiate contact, just once in a while?
#1) What actions/habits/etc. do you see in a man that makes you feel he would be a husbandly leader?
Husbandly: Shows real interest in my life/day/wellbeing. Shows a willingness to share his thoughts/concerns/opinions/desires with me (within appropriate measure). Basically, he must show that he is willing to have a REAL and PERSONAL one-on-one relationship with me.
Leader: First of all, I must feel that I can admire or respect the relationship he keeps with God. Does he live with Faith, Love, Hope, Honor, and Integrity? But once I am reassured with that, I need to know that he will not compromise in areas that he values most. The important thing to know here is that he tries to take action or stand his ground, depending on what life throws at him. He is willing to gently correct his "neighbors" or just be ready to help them. In this he shows God's Love and Incentive.
#2) What are the things you do to exhibit your ability to submit?
I actually haven't had a lot of experience in submitting in a romantic relationship, but I try to hold my tongue. That is the hardest part for me, because when I am trying to submit to ANYONE'S will, I feel the urge to comment. In some cases, to defend my actions/views, in others, to go back to telling them what to do (i.e. leading). I think it is difficult for anyone to submit authority over their lives to another, and we all tend to try to find ways to keep a little bit of that power for ourselves.
If I am truly submitting to another's will, I will speak carefully and sometimes even go above and beyond the object of his/her order/request/expectation. I try to show that I trust what this person is doing.
I think that the relationship is much simpler than we theologically minded like to think. God has always had the power to see, hear, and influence his people. Did he not turn Pharoah's heart every which way in the time of Moses? Did he not anticipate and establish his persecuters' personalities?
My answer: God is always speaking to us. And according to his timing, he allows or disallows us to hear him. And according to our free nature, we are given the ability to choose in those moments when we are allowed to hear. HE HAS ALREADY FORGIVEN US! We are under his grace in the moment of choice, and we, in our sinful nature, more often decide to turn away from him. But there are also times when God allows sin and the devil to act in you, with your eyes closed and your ears shut.
CHRIST WAS WITH HIM IN THE BEGINNING! Like oil and water, God and Sin do not mix, but his Grace existed for us even before the appointed time of his coming.
let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him,
and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
and do not return there but water the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
11 so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.
It seems to me that he is making clear his relationship to his children, as though he is saying:
"Don't give up hope, or resign yourself to little reward. Follow ME. Trust that I am God and God alone: that I can pardon your sins, that my will always prevails, even if you do not see it."
He is my source of LIFE, of PEACE, and of JOY. Now that I know him, nothing else can compare to him. Every time I find myself distracted by my flesh and the world, I have a part of me that says, "THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR." When my world seems to crumble, he is my strong foundation. He gives me peace in the chaos. When I struggle to do right and to be pleasing unto him, He is my salvation, and his Grace sustains me.
Without Him I am dead. My mind is empty and my heart wanders from place to place like a butterfly soon to depart. I am worthy of all of the horrific things that happen in the world, but that most of us are too afraid to think about. I know it, and I fear it. But Him I fear more, knowing that he has authority over everything, and that nothing that happens is outside of his plan. For this reason, I struggle against my sin to keep after Him. HE IS MY DEEPEST, MOST DESPARATE NEED.
"I have no greater joy, than to hear that my children walk in Truth."
"I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one may come to the father except through me." --Jesus
This statement is two-fold: first it implies that the children of God follow the only truth that he accepts. That is truth based on access to the Trinity through the blood of Christ and the knowledge that GOD has GIVEN to man in scripture (the foundation of hebrew knowledge).
Secondly, it implies a state of action. To speak the truth is a very simple thing to do by itself. The best liars tell the truth 90% of the time. So the only way that His children can truly honor Him is by living (walking) in the truth. Their actions reveal the truth that they have accepted in their heart by their conviction and determination to act. as the old mantage goes: "Actions speak louder than words." implying the state of the heart.
Mind that in any relationship, the first thing I am looking for is someone who is ready and willing to love and be loved in return. That is the dream of a lifelong marriage. But when talking preferences, here is what I think.
personality:
1) PASSION: not just for Christ, but for the people and things that occupy his interest. A man with passion generally knows or searches out the desires of his heart with great care, seeking to lead his heart, but not to lose it.
2) INTEGRITY: someone who tries to live in such a way as to be unashamed. The man with integrity is one who is never too prideful to recognize and apologize for a wrongdoing or to gently and lovingly convict another of their own wrongdoing. He always tries keep his priorities in order: self to God, self to people, self to self.
3) JOY: I can really appreciate a person who knows how to be happy in any circumstance. Someone with a sense of humor, or even just a sense of reassurance, who is always ready to share that reassurance with a friend or stranger who is down, and not just superficially. This does not mean that he lives in denial of reality, this just means that the Joy he has in God's Salvation is a part of that reality.
physical:
1) I also like a guy with a keen eye and a ready smile. It shows me that he's someone who can enjoy life and the company of others. That and I think that I'm just naturally attracted to those features.
2) I would be lying if I said that I am not attracted to healthier men. Think someone who is not hugely overweight, or else someone with a light tone that suggests work. I also tend to prefer someone who is at least my own height, or else a little taller and broader of shoulder.
3) I can be attracted to men from a variety of cultures, features, and colors, but I like to see someone who can take care of himself and has a good, friendly demeanor. I tend to be put off by pants sagging below the butt-crack and a general lack of grooming.
THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES TEST: What were your 30 answers in taking this test and what did the test score results show as your primary love language and the love languages next in order of importance?
