Just in case you're looking for my answer to this question, Benexcel, you will find it in the "divorce and failed marriage" thread you posted a while back. ;-)
This is for the new folks to Internet dating, who have not yet received enough of these 'scripts' to recognize them immediately and take appropriate action.
How To Recognize A Scammer Message
I received yet another one of these just today, and decided to copy and paste it here as an example of what they look like.
As you read the following message, pay attention to the obvious clues, especially how it is so very vague that it can be used over and over, to message any woman on any dating site, without making any changes to the script. MEN: I am sure you've seen similar scripts written specifically to men, but since I am female, this is what I received.
"Hello Pretty,
How're you doing out there? i really
hope you're cool, actually i'm a new member of this
site and i find your profile quite impressive i'm
here to make friends or something more, and i think
you're cool with your profile when i saw you on here,
i'm a widower with a lonely heart, and you're
probably the first person i'm mailing on this site
cause i find your profile quite impressive and
interesting. You'll make a smile out of me if you can
find a spare time to mail or text me 626 656 3472
back............Best of luck and good wishes........."
Notice how the script is just flattering enough without including any specific details from your profie to indicate that it's an authentic site user writing to you. Because, ultimately, it's NOT an authentic user writing to you. It's someone trying to profit from collecting your personally-identifiable contact information for sale to advertisers or to those who sell email or phone contact info to advertisers (list sellers).
Of course, that is only one method they use to profit from messaging you. The other method is conning you directly out of your hard-earned money by chatting with you for a while, then giving you a sad-sack story of their "critial need" for emergency funds. They will request you wire money to them, or send them a personal check; and make all manner of promises to pay you back. But, regardless of how heartbreaking the story, do NOT fall for it! You will not see your money ever again.
So, if anyone sends you a message similar to this, remember this example and the clues I've provided here, and do not fall for it. If you have the need to chat with them, insist they use CDFF's messaging application! That is your protection from sending a stranger your private contact information--and also from letting them scam you out of your money.
Be safe, everyone! Godly blessings to all my brothers and sisters on CDFF!
why is divorce so rampant and also a last resort to a failed marriage.
Posted : 14 Oct, 2013 01:08 PM
Hello again, brother Benexcel!
Being a Bible-believing Christian, my 'view' on sex before marriage comes staight out of the Bible; and there are dozens of Scriptures reminding us to 'flee from sexual immorality.'
Just one of them is 1 Corinthians 6:12-20, my favorite portion of which reads (18-20), "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, Who is in you, Whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price (Christ's). Therefore, honor God with your body."
Admittedly, in my past (sinful) life, before I surrendered eveything to Christ's leadership, I lived as one of the world. But living that way never produced good fruit; things always turned out badly, causing a lot of pain.
Both times in my past when I gave my heart (and my body) to a man I loved (I was engaged to the 1st, and married to the 2nd), I eventually learned that neither man ever loved me. They just wanted to have sex with me for a time, then move on to someone else.
After each of these men crushed my heart, it took a long time for me to recover. The first time, it took about 8 years. This time, it's been 19 years since I left my husband; 18.5 since the divorce became final. I am now, just since late Summer this year, ready to give my heart to someone new.
But this time, I am being very very careful to choose the right man, with God's help. One who is a committed, Bible-believing Christ-follower with the same values and similar interests. One willing to work on building trust between us, getting to know each other platonically, and then waiting until after our wedding to consumate our love. And, yes, I would have to be assured--by some other-worldly clues from God--that this man actually loves me for who I am inside, as a person, before I will agree to marry him.
Unfortunately, the odds that there is a man in my country who is a real Christian and truly capable of love--aka, does NOT see women as objects to be possessed and/or used and/or abused for his selfish pleasure--is incredibly low. I find that very sad.
In case that does not answer your question, I am completely against pre-marital sex. Thank you for your question, Benexcel; blessings to you, brother!
why is divorce so rampant and also a last resort to a failed marriage.
Posted : 13 Oct, 2013 10:12 PM
Teach,
Please do not misunderstand. I was never even talking to IWalk at all in this thread. He took it upon himself to interject into a convo I was having with Benexcel, insisting I follow his own personal doctrine, but I never replied to him.
I don't know why, but IWalk seems to think I had talked to him, even though I addressed Benexcel. Any "issue" he claims we might have exists entirely in his own head, and I have nothing to do with it. I was only coming in this thread to read the additional questions Benexcel said he had for me.
Then, last night he came into the 40s chat room while I was there and claimed that I had "attacked" him. Completely made up. So, I ignored him in the room.
IWalk and I have never even had a private conversation, as my contact restrictioins don't allow anyone younger than 45 to message me, and I have never been interested in contacting him.
He is making all of this up, and I can't figure out why. He is a complete stranger and has no reason to behave this way. But, yes I did pray for him the other night, for God to send someone into his life who could help him.
In the U.S., more than 3 women are murdered by their intimate partners each DAY.
85% of all domestic violence in the U.S. is against women.
Does that sound like "love" to you?
Let's remember what Romans 13:10 says, "Love does not harm its neighbor. Therefore, love is the fulfillment of the Law."
Just because you know some couples who treated each other well does not mean it happens that way everywhere. Reallity is quite harsh. And, in many cultures around the world, women are second-class citizens, not even afforded the right to vote or work and, in some cases, not even the right to leave their homes without a male escort. Most marriages in such places are arranged by the parents, and have nothing to do with love. The women literally ARE slaves, owned by their husbands who can do anything they want to them, with impunity.
Yes, it's a very sad fact, but a fact nonetheless. Please don't make assumptions about the world based on the little evidence you have.
By the way, I wasn't even responding to you in the first place. You were the one wanting to argue.
why is divorce so rampant and also a last resort to a failed marriage.
Posted : 11 Oct, 2013 12:09 PM
Benexcel,
Try reading the verse just above Ephesians 5:22...specifically Ephesians 5:21. It says, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
This applies to all Christians--whether married to each other or not.
And Ephesians is not the only book that talks about marital relationships.
There is Genesis 2:21-23 (different roles, same goals);
Song of Solomon;
Mark 10:5-9; and many many more.
In fact, in Ephesians 5:22-24(2) speaks about a man's Spiritual Leadership in marriage, not as a master/slave arrangement.
And, even if you go there, Jesus, Himself, taught that the greatest masters are sevant masters; they serve their flock, they don't just order them around like slaves. Matthew 20:32-33.
And let's not forget the Bible's instruction on how a man should love his wife:
Ephesians 5:25-30;
Eph 5:31-33;
Titus 2:6-8;
Let us not forget that God's Word gives us the nature of true Love in 1 Corinthians chapter 13. That is how we are to treat each other, in all circumstances--even marriage.
I hope that helps clear things up, brother Benexcel.
why is divorce so rampant and also a last resort to a failed marriage.
Posted : 10 Oct, 2013 11:22 PM
Hi, Benexcel!
I have a two-part answer for you.
First, let me provide Scripture from 1 Peter 3. Verses 1-2 says, "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the Word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."
It also says, in that same chapter, verse 7, "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of live, so that nothing will hiinder your prayers."
This means that, neither partner should 'lord it over' the other, but both should submit to each other out of love for Christ first, and then out of love and respect for each other.
With that said, humans are human, and not perfect; not everyone is equally devoted to our Lord Jesus. This is why 2nd Corinthians 6:14 recommends being equally yoked, and not with a non-believer.
As I'm sure all of us can agree, satan does his best to destroy every marriage he can by causing strife and difficulties to test the couple. To us, this only appears as 'life' getting in the way. Like, forced separations for long periods (not recommended by Scripture, for that might weaken a man's resolve to remain faithful to his wife) due to work schedules or military deployments.
Now for part two:
Back in 1992, I married a man I thought was Christian. I soon found out I was terribly wrong.
In my case, both my husband and I were active in the U.S. military, but with different jobs. We ended up being placed on opposing shifts (I worked midnights and he worked days), so we could only see each other in passing. This situation lasted for several months. During this time, my husband began cheating on me with a woman from his work.
When we finally were placed on the same shift, I found out about his unfaithfulness, and tried to work things out, but he refused. After destroying my trust in him, and ultimately our relationship, I had no choice but to divorce him.
When a man is unfaithful to his wife, he disrespects her and breaks his covenant with Jesus (whom he went before to marry the woman).
Jesus, Himself, said, in Matthew 5:32, "But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery."
Unfortunately for me, the situation was reversed. I had no choice but to divorce my husband, over his unfaithfulness, for he would not change his ways.
Through all our difficulties, I never once even thought about cheating on my husband; not even out of revenge.
Well, Benexcel, I hope my story helps you gain some knowledge of how things can appear one way, yet be another.
Some of those 'glamor shots' are stock photos of models. Scammers use them. Just as they use stock photos of male models to scam females here.
Just sayin.' :winksmile:
Not to say everyone does that, but just scammers and maybe some dishonest folks. Obviously none of us nice genteel folk who use the chat rooms and forums. :peace:
