Interesting question. I've always been very upfront at the beginning of a relationship, letting the guy know what I will and will not do. Many times, we end up just being friends, because I won't 'put out' (have sex with them).
My dating relationships have not lasted very long; usually those relationships last a few weeks to a few months. That's because I learn something about them that is a deal-breaker for me.
Example:
Once, I was dating a very nice gentleman. Told me he was a Stockbroker. Was always well-dressed and groomed. He would make arrangements ahead of time and plan our dates.
One night, we had reservations at a nice restaurant. He picked me up, then said he needed to run a couple of errands before we went to eat.
We first stopped at a "client's" residence, where he went inside for about 10 minutes. Off to his "second" errand; he drove to an empty mall (store) parking lot (it was dark by this time) and waited. In a few minutes, people came walking up to his car, asking to 'make a deal.'
He opened his briefcase to reveal a bunch of 'dime-bags' of cocaine. He was a drug dealer! I was in complete shock!
If the cops had come, I would have been arrested right along with my boyfriend, because I was sitting in the front seat and the drugs were right between us; even though I was not involved with his dealings.
Needless to say, after he finished his 'work,' I asked him to take me home, and broke up with him. I did not want anything to do with a drug dealer.
While nobody will be perfect, I expect a man to at least be a law-abiding citizen! LOL!
Anyway, to answer your question, I don't think it matters much how you ask a man where your relationship is going, the important thing is to ask--it's so wasteful to wait for him to make up his mind what he wants. I think 6 months is a good time to ask his intentions, even if either of you are not ready to 'take the leap' into marriage yet.
I've been proposed to 13 times now: 5 times in the real world--always too soon (3rd date stuff); and 8 times over the past 4 years in Yahoo/InSpeak chat rooms.
Most of those have been from total strangers who just like my screen name (this one), or room regulars who've 'known' me for a little while. LOL!
Do any of you guys actually wait until marriage on here?
Posted : 10 Sep, 2013 11:41 PM
Hi, BlackTigress777, love your nick!
I don't think guys think the same way us gals do, regarding waiting for marriage before making love.
Personally, I believe this world (meaning the various entertainment industries--movies, porn, games) has taught them to expect sex in any relationship, whether they're interested in marriage or not.
Maybe you should put in your profile that you will only date those men who will commit to waiting for marriage before getting physical with you. That way, any man who is interested will see that on your profile and know you are serious.
And, any real Christian man would agree to wait. I guess that's a gauge that will tell you whether a man is Christian or not, huh?
Either way, make sure they know, up front, that you expect to be treated with respect, as you are a daughter of the King of Kings; valued for who you are. Then, tell them that your purity is a gift you will give to that special husband on your wedding night, and not before!
You might want to put that in your profile, that you want a man who is Christian enough to respect you and wait until the wedding night to make love. That way, all your suitors know, up front, what you expect from them.
Why wait until you're dating them, when it's harder to get them to listen to you?
I think it's just a 'sign of our times,' owing to the deterioration of society's culture due to exposure to the entertainment industry's less-than-sterling morality. The men of our day have been taught to expect sex in a relationship. They need to be reminded of what the Bible says about sex outside of marriage.
Besides, some people only claim the moniker of "Christian" for the outward appearance of morality, rather than letting it change their hearts for the better. Sad but true.
Stick to your guns, girl. Don't let Mr. Charming persuade you to give up your morals for the sake of what he thinks is more important (in his own mind!). If he's a real Christian, he will wait.
I am so sorry to hear of you having such an awful experience on your first day on a Christian dating site! I would have tried to delete my account, too.
One thing I do love about ChristianDatingForFree is how the Admin watches over their members, so we don't have to see things like that, or even receive nasty messages.
I've had to kindly turn a man down recently, and then received a message from him, but I couldn't read it because the Admin had banned him from the site. He must have been very uncharitable in his communications. ;-)
I hope you have much more positive and wonderful experiences here, my sister, and find the man God has set aside for you!
I did send my idea to the Admin, and they answered me this morning. They do allow specifiying a specific faith in their advanced search area; but said anything about the restrictions for messaging, so I hope they're considering that.
We'll see what happens. Thanks for responding, Lukia!
