If I knew beyond a doubt that we were not marriage compatible I would not lead a girl on by going out on a date with her. If we are long standing friends with no romantic interest in each other then I have no problems with a one on one activity.
If I were attracted to a girl who I felt was interested in me but nevertheless I felt we were compatible or possibly compatible I would ask her out on a date.
How do you Define Dating and How do you Evaluate your Potential Partners?
Posted : 15 May, 2011 07:44 AM
I would define "casual dating" as dating someone you recently met and are in the early stages of a friendship relationship (often meeting in the context of looking for a partner). I use casual dating to evaluate the potential as a couple and as eventual marriage partners.
This type of dating for me is typically the "getting to know you" stage in a light romantic context distinguished from getting to know someone simply as a friend with no potential interest in a romantic relationship. When I take a woman out, I try to make my intentions are perfectly clear to avoid any confusion. Generally I will indicate that it is a causal date and not just a friendly outing unless I was absolutely sure I had no interest in her whatsoever. One of the worst things I could do is to tell her I just want to be friends and then suddenly change my mind and try to turn it into a romantic relationship. Typically in casual dating it will be non-committal and non-exclusive and both of us will be free to date and see other people. Due to the uncommitted nature of the relationship we would both keep physical intimacy and emotional intimacy limited. It is important for me that we both have that time where we can objectively evaluate the relationship.
If everything goes well and no major personality, lifestyle, or worldview (belief system) conflicts arise then we will typically have a discussion or series of discussions on the possibility of a long term, committed, exclusive relationship where marriage is the ultimate goal. These discussions also involve outside accountability with mutual friends and trusted individuals and it also involves me asking her parents for their blessing on the relationship.
For me to commit to a serious long term relationship the possibility of marriage has to meet a preponderance standard (more likely than not or 51%) with the likelihood of marriage steadily increasing over the course of the relationship. If the relationship continues to go well then engagement is on the horizon, but if the relationship starts to go south then we will definitely reevaluate the relationship to see what is going on.
If I ended up being romantically attracted to someone I had been friends with for quite a while and if she felt the same way then the casual dating stage would be skipped because we most likely know most if not all of those major "deal-breaker" issues about each other. So I would never enter a romantic relationship with a long standing friend unless the probability of marriage was more likely than not (51%) right off the bat.
I have no strict timetables for how long casual dating will last or how long a serious relationship would last before engagement etc. But generally I will not string out the casual dating process if I know that we are not compatible. Also if it happens to be a long distance interest then the rules certainly change and that is a whole different topic entirely!
So while I will casually date someone where I am unsure of our compatibility I will not date someone I am completely sure that we are not compatible in a marriage relationship.
If a dating relationship does not work out we usually end up staying friends but avoid one on one encounters to avoid any confusion. With long standing friends I have no problems doing one on one activities with if it is completely clear that we are both not interested in dating.
So how do you define your dating relationships and how do you evaluate potential partners?
Have my bride walk down the aisle to the throne room soundtrack in the last scene of Star Wars: A New Hope and then have us exit with the Indiana Jones theme at the end of The Last Crusade . . . very classy and traditional! :angel:
Usually I get disheartened and apathetic to online dating for almost the opposite reason. As a guy I do a lot more messaging than I do replying so when I put time and effort into writing a personal and meaningful message only to have it not read or worse yet have it read without the courtesy of a response or even a "not interested message."
I do realize that a lot of the worth while girls on this site get bombarded with an overwhelming number of messages from creeps, scammers, etc. which makes it unduly hard -- on them to know or to find the messages that are actually worth replying! If only there were an easier way to filter out all the undesirables, inactives, and the people who aren't seriously trying to find someone to communicate and have a relationship (even a friendship) with. :prayingf:
With each message, I find myself less and less motivated to send out personal and meaningful messages and results in me not messaging at all since a generic "hi, how are you." is almost never worth even that minimum amount of effort!
Every now and then I will browse to see if there is anyone new that I am interested in striking up a conversation, but most of the time browsing just results in me looking through pages of faces and personalities of people that I am not interested in or people who ignored or stopped replying to my message. :rolleyes::laugh:
It is hard to take online dating seriously especially on free sights that are filled with people who have become cold and cynical to the whole process. So most of the time I spend on here now is on the forums talking to all you good people! :waving:
Message the new fish that have not yet become cynical to the process, it is your only hope! haha
PS: Apparently one cannot type "hard" and "on" as separate words in a sentence . . . good to know :laugh:
Thanks to one of my professors here at the law school who is a great Christian mentor who suggested this idea to me I have found that stress is a lot more manageable. A lot of times when I am stressed I like go through my Bible and read all the uplifting and inspirational verses I have highlighted in a certain color.
After 30 minutes or so of doing this it is like nothing can keep me down! I find that a lot of times, maybe even all of the time when I am stressed, disheartened, etc. it is the result not of what outside force has caused me trouble that day but the result of how I react and view that hardship. Often times I am not thinking Biblically, I have lost my perspective and taken my eyes off of God and instead choose to focus on the trouble at hand.
We should not nor cannot forget the promises of God especially during the times we need them the most!
Since joining the community earlier in the year, I have noticed a geographical trend in the type of girl I'm attracted to both physically and personality wise.
For some odd reason most of the girls from the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania get at least a slim majority of my messages and views. Maybe it is because the Pennsylvania countryside is very conservative? As far as attractiveness goes, I have no clue . . . maybe I am just predisposed somehow to those Quaker genes? :laugh:
So I ask, is there something in the water? A statistical anomaly? Hindsight bias? A product of Pennsylvania lifestyle, culture, and upbringing? :laugh:
Does anyone else find that they need up messaging or viewing people of the opposite gender from certain geographical areas not including your own locality?
And ladies don't if you aren't from Pennsylvania, there are still plenty of girls from other states that I find attractive on a variety and multitude of levels. ;) haha
As a political science major, even I did not watch the debate. Most of my friends in the field did not watch it either. It is hard to have a meaningful debate when practically all of the contenders or probably contenders with any realistic chance of winning were not in attendance.
I will still probably watch it eventually, I have heard some good things about Herman, Cain but he will probably not get the time of day in latter debates when the big names start showing up.
This so called "plan" is a disgrace! It is a complete violation of the wingman code. You can't be using your wingman like that and never returning the favor. Guys need to look out for each other, girls are way to smart to fall for these tricks without backup. So guys treat your wingman right!
The rest of the plan is rock solid . . . :laugh:
. . . at least it was until Tulip had to spill the beans and let the girls on the forums wise up to our master plans! :rolleyes:
IaoKim is actually a hebrew name meaning "God will establish."
I like the name, love the meaning, and I pretty much use it for all my online accounts though I find it surprising that I do not get asked about it more enough since it is a pretty unusual nickname.
