This is sort of an update from one of my previous threads several weeks ago in this section "Torn".
To make a long story short, after several more weeks of thoughtful prayer, I believe it is for the best that the most my former best friend and I will ever be is friends which leaves me free to continue to pursue the girl I am casually seeing right now (most of the details can be found in the previous thread mentioned above).
This Sunday I plan to have "The Talk" and hope to move to an official romantic relationship. The setting is a nice quiet evening picnic in the park watching the sunset. I have high hopes that things will go well. There have been a lot of positive signs that she is interested and is ready for a change in the relationship but of course you can never know for sure until you come out and say it!
While I know basically what I want to say, I still haven't decided "how" I am going to say it. I just don't want to come out and say "Me guy, you girl, lets get together yayaya ~caveman grunt~" lol but neither do I want to come off as unconfident/nervous by being overly subtle and beating around the bush. I am the type of guy that likes to just tell you like it is, but I realize the need to be a little bit more tactful and romantic when it comes to this type of conversation. :)
Basically I am trying to find that middle ground to my approach. I know every girl is different but if you ladies could let me know how you would like this conversation to go if you were in this situation then I would be most appreciative! It has been a while for me since I've been in the position to enter a serious relationship and the last one didn't exactly go very well haha. :)
Guys are still welcome to give their input, but I have already had lots of input from my bros lol
1. Intellectually Curious/Critical Thinker -- I want a girl with whom I can have good meaningful conversations. She doesn't necessarily have to be formally educated with college degrees etc. A girl that doesn't take everything at face value and knows what she believes and why she believes it. She also knows when to pick her battles.
2. Energetic/Witty: I have a more stable personality so I look for a girl that has a lot of energy and is easily excited to compliment my own personality (though not every single thing, constantly all the time). I don't want to be with someone exactly like me, it would be incredibly dull! lol. A quick witty sense of humor is also a must.
Yeah I kinda cheated with the slashes by naming more than two things, but close enough! lol
I think you are right, there are definitely a lot of questions I really want and need to be answered before I even think about another attempt at a relationship with my ex ("B"). I'll probably be spreading them out through our conversations, I don't really want it to sound like an interrogation! haha
And that is an interesting prayer, it is one I have been praying a lot lately especially since I am coming up on my last year of law school. There are tons of life altering decisions heading my way in terms of my relationships and my career and it certainly helps when God closes some doors as He already has this summer!
Bcpianogal,
It would definitely be quite a while before I seriously considered entering a relationship with B. Becoming friends with your ex is one thing but jumping back into a relationship is quite another especially considering how bad things ended. When I think about the two choices I am thinking more long term, any possibility of choosing B assumes I am confident that she has changed and that she is really ready for a real and serious relationship and more likely assumes that the girl I am currently causally dating ("A") shows no interest in a more intimate relationship.
My mind clearly sees the better choice as A for a lot reasons but my past feelings for B aren't letting it go that easily! Ultimately I think you are right, it comes down to the fact that A has been there for me consistently over the past 6 years with no major breaches of trust etc as opposed to B who I haven't had any major contact with for almost two years and who hurt and violated by trust.
I forgot to mention it but I did tell B that while I was not 100% opposed to the idea of getting back together in the distant future, I told her any possibility was very slim due to several reasons with one being the fact that I am currently casually dating someone.
Right now A is out of town visiting her family for the next week so I will have some down time to keep thinking and praying about this and will hopefully have a clearer understanding of the situation within the next few weeks!
Nutshell version: I am torn between two girls. One my current best friend of 6 years and my former best friend since high school who has recently reentered my life. Right now the plan is to keep exploring the potential with my current best friend and see where that leads. The point of his thread is to get some outside input and perspective. For the details read the longer version below!
Recently I have been exploring the possibility of a relationship with my close friend of six years. For a variety of reasons, circumstances we have never considered the possibility of something more until now (at least I haven't). We haven't had the full "talk" yet but over the past several weeks so we have gone out on casual dates (to be distinguished from hanging out as simply friends). I am still not completely sure about her feelings though there have been signs of mutual interest. I have been planning on having the full "talk" with her soon because things have been going well although we both keep very busy. She is incredibly intelligent, beautiful, and most importantly a godly woman. She is pretty much everything I look for in a girl.
However things have become more complicated for me emotionally speaking. My former best friend from high school messaged me out of the blue back in April (See my "Reconciliation" topic in this section). About two years ago we had a falling out. We both were showing signs of mutual attraction beyond friendship and I decided to make a move. She responded cautiously but positively.
Things ended abruptly before they ever really got off the ground less than a week later. She got cold feet and started pushing me away. She said a lot of hurtful things and would twist everything I said as I tried to get to the heart of the problem. I could not reason with her so eventually I just had to let her go and it has been almost 2 years since we last spoke which brings us up to this April where she messaged me.
At first the dialogue was very awkward, I was very wary of her intentions. Eventually we started to reconnect and it seemed her intentions were pure. We always had this very natural chemistry between us and we are beginning to interact, laugh, and discuss things like nothing ever happened. I am still being very cautious, taking great pains to guard my heart.
Most recently she said that she had been so "stupid" because she had everything she had ever wanted/needed in a guy from her best friend (me) but she ruined her chances by being scared and running away from the relationship (she has had a lot of trust and commitment issues from past relationships and friends etc.). She said that not a day has gone by where she has not regretted what happened and misses me a lot.
I was very surprised to hear her admit all that, and it seems like she may have matured and resolved a lot of those trust/commitment issues. My mind says it is a more than a little too late, but my heart wonders at what could have been and fears I may regret never giving her that second chance.
It is amazing how fast old feelings long forgotten can suddenly resurface. Before she had messaged me I had completely moved on and felt I was finally ready to invest in a new serious relationship but now she is back and is causing me all sorts of confusion between my new love and my old love where I have both strong feelings and genuine unconditional love for each of them.
Both have almost every quality I look for in a woman, but neither has "everything" I look for. I don't expect to find a perfect woman out there, we all have our flaws but these two are the closest by far.
The purpose of this thread is not to do a line by line pro/con comparison of the two (although it may have to come to that), but for me to seek some general advice, input, and outside perspective on the situation.
Right now the plan is to continue to explore the relationship with my current best friend and to find out her exact feelings about the possibility of a relationship before I make any decisions concerning my ex.
Like I said, I take people at their word until facts prove or indicate otherwise. I am sure we are all aware how easy it is to portray yourself as someone you are not. I never defended anyone's wickedness or sinful deeds or condemned the just. I did not take sides, I wanted both sides to come together and resolve their differences which unfortunately did not happen. Jesus had dinner with Zacchaeus although he was a corrupted and wicked tax collector and through love help reconcile him with the community by giving back all that he had stolen and more!
There is a big difference between righteous anger towards sin as Jesus properly displayed and unrighteous or sinful anger towards an individual. Jesus said anyone who hates their brother is a murderer. It is important to show righteous anger toward sin and not the sinner.
No one involved in the dispute was completely in the right and everyone involved could have handled the situation much better.
It is a shame to see any of them go this way, I wanted more than anything to have them resolve their differences in a Christian manner. Everything was completely blown out of proportion, the people cared more about the issues, more about being right than about each other and the fellowship of the body of Christ.
To be clear I did not report Chevy or anyone else for what they said here on the forums. I do believe all the parties involved could and should have handled this situation better.
The admins may have decided to ban both of them in the interest of fairness but who knows.
This is not legal advice or anything but online messages such as emails or private messages are usually admissible. As far as witnesses to posts in the public forum, no one on the forum would be able to testify to prove the truth of the matter asserted in any of these posts. I won't go into all the legal issues, but it is basically hearsay. Legal action against online harassment is a very tricky thing, you would have to know her real name, location to file a complaint and establish jurisdiction and you would have to use your full real file to file the complaint etc.
I don't want know what pixy may have said to you privately to cause you to become angry but I haven't seen anything against you directly on the public forums. I would suggest you just take a step back and take a while to calm down. Whatever pixy may or may not have done is not the issue, it is still important that you respond in a way that is honoring to God regardless of the behavior of others. I sincerely hope ya'll work this out.
Proverbs 19:11 "A man's discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook a transgression."
In regards to the OP, as a relatively new member of the forums I did not know twosparrows that well but from what I observed He seemed to be a good hearted individual. For the sake of neutrality I will not comment on whether his recent actions on the forum crossed the line. However, I will say that it is a tragedy when professed believers cannot come together and reach an understanding and forgive one another. When we fail to do so it leaves that part body of Christ shattered, broken, and ineffective in its mission.
Chevy, I believe it was Dennis who first mentioned pixy's post on page 6 of the christian moral standards board, which prompted her response and derailed this thread.
True just because someone has a profile on here does not mean they are a believer, but I will take people at their word unless they give me cause to believe otherwise.
I am not taking sides in the substance of the arguments between the two of you. I am only encouraging the two of you to settle your differences privately and forgive each other. As I mentioned previously in one of the closed threads, forgiveness is not about who is in the right or who is in the wrong. Like the parable of the servant who was forgiven of a great debt by his master yet refused to forgive the small debt of his fellow servant, we as Christians should forgive our brothers and sisters of the comparatively small trespasses against us just as Christ forgave us of our many trespasses against Him.
