Author	Thread: When is the 'right' time to start dating again?
HonestyAlways89 View Profile History	When is the 'right' time to start dating again? Posted : 15 Sep, 2019 03:43 PM After 23 years of marriage my wife told me that she wanted to feel free of family 'responsibilities' and travel the world and feel "independent", even though we had a deep and profound love, not to mention our youngest (11 year old daughter) was still at home. It knocked me to my knees, and that's when I first reached for Jesus and felt his presence. This happened 2 years ago, but after changing her mind a couple of times she finally moved out this past summer and the clock was started on our legal separation. I have lived for the last 2 years knowing that she had one foot out the door. I took my vows seriously and hoped that she was my life partner and we could accommodate her draw to be independent. But I accept that her path is now going in a different direction, and trust fully in the Lord to direct me and I pray that he will guide me to the right Christian woman. But I'm unsure when I should start actively seeking her. I haven't dated in a very long time, and wasn't much good at it even back then. So as my ad indicates, I am separated. Do women prefer a man to have the divorce finalized before they will start a friendship? Does it make a difference that I feel my separation started 2 years ago? I am nervous about starting, but I want someone in my life that I can cherish and adore, and share special times with. Sorry, I tend to babble on when I think out loud. Post Reply
Moonlight7 View Profile History	When is the 'right' time to start dating again? Posted : 15 Sep, 2019 05:53 PM I believe s man should not date another woman if he is just separated from his wife. Separated doesn't mean Divoced. Of course this is my own opinion. Post Reply
HonestyAlways89 View Profile History	When is the 'right' time to start dating again? Posted : 18 Sep, 2019 01:09 AM I think that I agree with you. I told my wife that although we are living separately, we ARE still married. And I felt that for either of us to pursue a new relationship with someone would be adultery. I requested that we both promise to go the 12 months (9 mo's left) required to obtain a divorce celibate. But while she does believe in God, she doesn't fully accept Jesus and she doesn't trust the Bible. So she see's my request as my attempt to be controlling. She stated that she has no interest in meeting anyone at this point, but said "if I met someone and we were attracted to each other and got along well...". So I requested that she kindly inform me once she has committed adultery so that I could proceed with divorce proceedings asap, and look for a new life partner, this time someone who is a Christian. I'm expecting a call from her anytime which is why i have signed onto this site. Post Reply
Jayzeee View Profile History	When is the 'right' time to start dating again? Posted : 18 Sep, 2019 03:26 AM The right time to start dating again is when you feel ready, for me that was several years after my breakup, for my ex it was a matter of months. I've found that most men move quickly into a new relationship after a break up. Meaning they're often not over their previous partner, I dated a separated once and ended up feeling more like his therapist, I wouldn't do it again... Post Reply
Jayzeee View Profile History	When is the 'right' time to start dating again? Posted : 18 Sep, 2019 03:28 AM *** I dated a separated man once *** Post Reply
KJVonly View Profile History	When is the 'right' time to start dating again? Posted : 20 Sep, 2019 06:09 PM I am truly sorry that your wife felt selfish enough to just take a hike and with a daughter in the middle of it and at such a vulnerable age! My prayers go out to you in this time of suffering and uncertainty. I would have to say that it would be better to wait as friendships can become emotionally intimate very quickly and love can bloom any time and what if she suddenly came back , then you are in a catch -22 in a way, wanting to pursue another and again uncertain if she will ditch you again! It is hard of a persons heart, yours included to be jerked around so my advice is to just be patient a while longer. But pray always for Gods Will. Post Reply
Alligator View Profile History	When is the 'right' time to start dating again? Posted : 21 Sep, 2019 08:33 PM I am separated from my job, i am separated from my former neighbor lady, i am separated from many people and things, but i am DIVORCED from my husband. Therefore I am free to have a new relationship. A Separated husband or wife is still MARRIED. and i only know a few people who date married adults, and there are not-so-nice names for them. Post Reply
Chioniso View Profile History	When is the 'right' time to start dating again? Posted : 30 Sep, 2019 03:34 AM I am also sorry for the break up. But bear in mind that you should move forward. Separation is not divorce. You are still attached to your wife dear brother. Right now dont think of a new relationship yet. Use this time to show your daughter you love her, improve your relationship with God, read the bible especially verses that connect to our situation. Have control of your body and be yourself. You need time to put your senses back together and be confident of yourself. By the time divorce is processed then you start searching for a christian life partner with undivided decisions. Remember that whatever situation you are in God will never leave you nor forsake you. Furthermore God wants you to be happy, always. Post Reply
Marcouse View Profile History	When is the 'right' time to start dating again? Posted : 30 Sep, 2019 01:42 PM Sorry bud but the chances are she has already committed adultery. She will never admit it though, seen your scenario a dozen times and even lived it myself to an extent. Stick to the 12 months for your own piece of mind, don't tell her anything and don't ask any questions. If she comes back she comes back, if not do your own thing. Don't let her see you as the backstop, keep your emotion to yourself. Post Reply
View Profile History	When is the 'right' time to start dating again? Posted : 3 Oct, 2019 03:33 PM I empathize... while we were still separated, my husband was on dating sites asking for friends with benefits and casual sexual encounters. He was arrested for planting a video camera in a teenage girl's bedroom, he was openly dating other women, and he was caught having sex with a female coworker in the storage room at his workplace. Our marriage was 100% dead and done, and had been for five straight years of infidelity. (He was NOT the Christian leader I thought I had married, to put it mildly.) But here in BC, as you know, we have that one year rule that puts us all in limbo. Back when the Bible was written, there wouldn't have been any sort of mandatory waiting period. Men were commanded to write their wives a certificate of divorce so that they could prove that they were free to remarry. Adultery nullified the marriage contract immediately. We are supposed to obey the law of the land, but there's no real law about dating while separated. There are situations where someone has been separated for twelve years and their partner is living with and has children with someone else, but refuses to sign off on the custody agreement, so they can't legally divorce. I think I wouldn't have an issue with building a friendship with a man who was separated, but it would be with the understanding that we would wait until the divorce was final to officially date. Every situation is so different. I'd tend to be more concerned that he was emotionally ready to move on than I would be about his official marital status. Post Reply
View Profile History	When is the 'right' time to start dating again? Posted : 3 Oct, 2019 03:39 PM I'll just add that you can file for divorce based on adultery (as long as you can prove it), but there is such a backlog in BC right now that it actually takes longer than just waiting the 12 mo. and filing a no-fault divorce. Or so my lawyer tells me. I decided to just go the quickest route, which was no-fault. But I would have LOVED to have filed based on adultery, and would have if it hadn't been a longer process. Post Reply

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