If I were dating someone, I'd enjoy a nice dinner out. Or an evening spent together in some way. I'm not hard to please.
If I'm single, though, all I want to do on Valentine's Day is curl up on my couch with my two cats, a half-gallon of ice cream, some seriously good chocolate, and a box of Kleenex. Add a sappy romance movie or book to the mix, and that makes the evening perfect. Legitimate excuse to cry my eyes out all by my lonesome self. It's not called SAD (Singles Awareness Day) for nothin', ya know!
Thanks guys! I definitely think that being friendly and welcoming to the "new guy" is the way I want to go. I'll just have to keep looking for little opportunities to do so. A few days ago, he and I were heading in the same direction, so we chatted for just a second before splitting to go off to our different meetings; he seemed genuinely friendly, so maybe the ice has been broken and future conversations will seem more natural.
Peacenic and dkj, I totally hear you on the coworker issue. It's not something I take lightly, which is one reason I want to be careful in how I go about getting to know him. It's not wrong to form friendships with coworkers, but since we are both single, I don't want to make things awkward. If he isn't interested, that's that and it's no big deal. For all I know, I might get to know him and find out that I'M not interested! Also, we work for the same company, but we don't work together. He's in a completely different department. There is almost no interaction between my department and his department; that's why I've had such a hard time getting to know him!
I guess I'll just have to hold out hope that he'll be at the Christmas party, and that I can manage to get in at least a short conversation with him.
Hey guys, I need your input on something. Not looking for any right or wrong answers here, just some opinions and suggestions!
After 4 years of working at my job and being the one and only single employee (it's a small place), a single Christian guy who is almost exactly my age has finally been hired. He definitely isn't married, but I haven't been able to find out if he's dating someone or even engaged. In fact, I haven't been able to get to know him personally because we work in different department and rarely cross paths, but I've had the opportunity to observe him interact with others for the past few months. I like what I see. He appears to have many of the qualities that I hope to find in a man; he seems to be spiritually mature, friendly, intelligent, kind, stable, and well-liked and respected. It doesn't hurt that he's pretty good-looking, too. He's the type of guy that I'd at least like to get to know better. Oh, and dating coworkers is definitely not against the rules...so if a friendship turned into "more," it wouldn't be an issue.
This situation presents two problems. First, I don't know for sure if he's actually "available" or if he's already in a relationship. My second problem is that if he IS really single, he has no way of knowing that I'm single. For relationship purposes, I'm invisible to him. (This isn't helped by the fact that he's having to get to know ALL of the employees at the company. I already knew everyone, so it wasn't hard to notice that the new guy was obviously not married.)
So here's my question: How can I make myself more visible to him? I don't believe in pursuing a guy, and I don't want it to be obnoxiously obvious that I'm trying to get to know HIM specifically. I just want to put myself out there a little, put myself in his path, get to know him a bit, and if there is any attraction on his part, give him the opportunity to do something about it. I feel like it would be foolish to just sit around and let myself stay invisible when it's such a rare thing for a single Christian guy to appear in my life.
Any suggestions on how I can do this? If you were in his position, what would you want me to do?
(Just FYI, I've already tried to find opportunities to talk to him, but that hasn't worked out at all. The once or twice that I thought I might be able to chat with him, he was deep in conversation with several of the other male employees...it didn't feel right to interrupt them to talk to him. I'm still looking for the chance, though! Also, I'm well aware of the fact that he may HAVE noticed me, and that he's simply not interested at all and is trying to avoid me...but it somehow doesn't feel quite like that is the case.)
Date a non-believer/backslider, win him to Jesus, then marry him?
Posted : 26 Sep, 2012 06:48 PM
I personally think that "missionary dating" is a big mistake. It's one thing to be a friend to an unbeliever, and try to witness to that person and (hopefully) lead that person to Christ. It's quite another thing to DATE that person. And I think that most people would know whether the "relationship" was a platonic friendship or a romantic relationship.
As for whether or not it's acceptable to enter a romantic relationship after the unbeliever accepts Christ...that's a tough one. I think there needs to be a period of time when the new Christian is actively seeking to grow in his/her faith, and is NOT pursuing a romantic relationship with the witnessing friend. The new believer should seek out a mature, Christian mentor of the same sex, and commit to and become involved in a church WITHOUT the constant encouragement, companionship, etc. of the friend. In other words, if the witnessing friend were to disappear from the picture, the new Christian would eagerly continue in his/her walk with God. Once the new Christian begins to mature, and shows fruit and sincerity, I think a romantic relationship can be considered. But realize that this growth might take several years. It's not going to necessarily happen in a few weeks or months.
Now, having said that, I do know of one couple who dated and then married when she was a Christian and he was not. She said that she felt "God was calling her" to do this; I am very hesitant to say that she misinterpreted God's leading, but the Bible is very clear about not marrying an unbeliever. I don't think God would contradict himself in that way. Anyhow, the man did get saved, and as far as I know they have a solid marriage and are both devoted Christians.
I know another couple who were friends before he got saved; she was a Christian already. He was interested in dating her, but she kept telling him no. She said she could be his friend, but not his girlfriend. She gave no reason for her rejection, but she witnessed to him through her words and actions. On his own (and I think that's important), he began to attend a church in the area, and eventually got saved. She observed him for an extended period of time, and when she firmly believed that he was sincere in his faith, and was showing signs of a truly changed life, she made it clear that if he was still interested, she would be open to dating him. They've been married for several years now, and seem to be very happy together.
Those are two stories that have happy endings. I know of many more stories that do NOT have happy endings. They ended in divorce, unhappy marriages, or the unbeliever pulled the Christian away from church and into a life that was not pleasing to God.
I've had the same thing happen, where a good friend would start dating someone, and suddenly they had no more time for me or other friends. And I don't think that's right. There has to be a balance. If I'm friends with someone, I'm not going to abandon that friendship just because I start dating someone. Sure, I might have to adjust my schedule a little to make room for dates, but I should still be able to balance my work life, my social life, and my dating life. Any guy who expects me to completely abandon my friends and spend ALL of my free time and social time with him is too controlling for me.
The problem comes in when a guy (or a girl, for that matter) simply doesn't seem to want to be around the person he or she is dating. For example, dates are only scheduled for twice a month, and are short dates at that (think lunch dates that last for less than an hour). Longer dates are very infrequent. That's how my relationship was. I had to finally ASK that we see each other a little more frequently (I think I suggested getting together about once a week), yet things didn't really change. Oh, and I should point out that we lived just 20-25 minutes from each other. It's not like it was a long-distance relationship.
I've only had two dating relationships in my life. The first lasted a whole three months, and ended over two years ago. The second...well, it was more recent. And I learned a LOT from it. Here's my story:
About a week ago, the guy I'd been dating for the past six months finally admitted that he thought we should have a little more clarity about where the relationship was heading. He never would come right out and say where HE wanted the relationship to go. He beat around the bush, hemmed and hawed, talked in riddles, etc. I finally said "Well, what I'm hearing is that you don't really see this heading toward marriage. Is that correct?" I was correct. It's been a little difficult for me, because I really did like the guy, but now that I'm on the other side of situation, I realize that there were some problems that I was ignoring.
I don't want to go into all the gory details, but here are a few things that I learned:
1) A guy should always be intentional in his relationship with a girl. He shouldn't make her say the hard things, and he shouldn't lead her on if he knows for sure that the relationship is going nowhere. He should also provide security in the relationship; ending a date with the words "Well, I guess I'll call you sometime, maybe" is NOT acceptable. It constantly keeps the girl on edge, and makes her wonder if that was the last time she would ever hear from him.
2) A guy should be proud of the girl he's dating, and want to introduce her to his friends and family. When he has one excuse after another as to why his immediate family doesn't even know that he's dating someone, there's a problem somewhere.
3) A guy should be confident and able to make decisions in a timely fashion. For example, when a girl asks a guy to escort her to a social event, and gives him a couple weeks' notice on that, he should be able to say "yes" or "no" at least a week before the event...there is no excuse for waiting until the day before. When a guy also exhibits these indecisive traits in several other areas of his life, it's a huge warning sign.
4) A guy should want to spend time with his girlfriend. If he only wants to spend time with her when HE feels like it, or when he is bored, or when he feels obligated to do so, there is a serious problem. Just imagine how a marriage would be.
5) A guy who claims to be a Christian should show evidence of a walk with God. Even if he's a good person, he needs to have a personal knowledge of God that he has learned from experience and personal study, not just facts that he learned while looking up information to use in arguments with other Christians. He should also not look for excuses to skip church. If he's unhappy in his current church, he should begin to seek another church where God can use him.
I'm sure there are other things I learned from this last relationship, but those five are the first ones that come to mind.
So where am I now? I'm single again, obviously. I'm also a little bit wiser. And if I'm lucky enough to ever be in another relationship, I hope that I won't ignore red flags just because I "like" the guy.
I personally find myself to be more attracted to guys who have a skin color similar to my own. That's just ME, though. I'm sure that you'll get different answers from different girls.
When do you choose to tell a guy friend your deepest secrets?
Posted : 11 Sep, 2012 07:50 AM
I wouldn't tell a guy friend my deepest secrets. I might tell a really, really, really close girl friend some of those secrets, if I really trusted her and knew that she would pray for me. But some things just shouldn't be shared with a guy friend because of the very nature of those secrets. Emotional intimacy is just one step away from physical intimacy.
Now if I were planning to marry a guy, that would be different. He would be more than a friend, and there might be things that he would need to know before the wedding...things that might affect the relationship/marriage long into the future should not be kept secret.
