Well, I don't have Scriptures to back up my opinions...but here goes anyway!
Q: Can an emotionally unstable man really lead?
A: In some ways, yes. I know some strong Christians who struggle with clinical depression, bipolar, Aspergers, etc. They go through times of instability, but most of them seek help from Christian counselors or medical doctors. The problem comes in when they refuse to seek help or take their medications, or when they try to blame other for their own problems. THAT is not an indication of leadership. It is an indication of selfishness or immaturity. The ones who can really lead are aware of their weaknesses, and ask for help when they need it.
Q: If a man is emotionally unstable and takes a wife, is it OK for her to lead? What is meant by a helpmate anyway, doesn't it mean helping your spouse in any area that he may fall short?
A: I think a woman should be cautious about marrying a man who is mentally unstable, particularly if he does not demonstrate the ability to seek help and overcome the problem. If he IS willing to get help, I think the relationship could proceed when he is on his way to recovery. If the man becomes mentally unstable AFTER marriage, the wife may very well have to take over some of the leadership responsibilities. She should do her best to lead and still respect her husband, though...she should not belittle or humiliate him. If he has an opinion or is capable of making a decision that is not contrary to God's Word, the wife would do well to listen to him and consider following his leadership in the situation.
Interesting post. I just want to comment on the "Smile all day" part! I am in no way a "morning person" at all, but my first year of college, I had 8:00 am classes almost every day. I forced myself to smile and be cheerful even though I really just wanted to go back to sleep. At the end of the first semester, one of the guys in the class came up to me and said "You know, seeing your cheerful smile at 8:00 every morning just makes my day a little brighter. Don't stop smiling, ever!" That really stuck with me, and I've been told many times since then that I smile a lot. The funny thing is that the more I force myself to smile, the happier I feel. I can have a rotten morning, but if I force myself to smile, look on the bright side, and try to work through my problems, things usually do tend to look up.
I've also been told that even though I'm usually a cheerful, optimistic person, I also have a good grasp of reality, and don't let my positive outlook cloud my judgement or decisions even when they aren't pleasant ones.
Ladies have you gone through all the profiles of possibles yet?
Posted : 10 Sep, 2012 08:13 AM
Yeah, I've gone through all the profiles of guys within a 200 mile radius, and then expanded my search to states touching my own. There are a few profiles that seem really great, but many of them are obviously inactive...they say "I'm a 26 year old guy..." but the age on the actual profile (based on the birthdate they entered!) says that they are 30! If they haven't bothered to update that in 4 years, they probably are not active on the site. :zzzz:
I have sent emails to some of the guys who appear to be active, and rarely get a response. It might show that he read the message, but nothing else. One guy even deleted his profile shortly after reading my message! Wow. Didn't know I was THAT scary. :goofball:
I'm just glad that I'm no longer searching for a match on here! :applause:
It's not just us girls who throw our guy friends out the window...guys throw their girl friends out the window when they start dating someone too!
I have a good friend who is a guy, and yes, it's a purely platonic friendship. Even though we've both dated other people, only once has our friendship suffered because of those relationships. In that case, the girl he was dating did not like for him to talk to other girls, and he gave in to her jealousy. He later apologized to me. Granted, when one of us is in a relationship, we don't talk as much as when we are both very single...we just don't have as much time!
The guy I'm currently getting to know has friends who are girls. He knows that I have a good friend who is a guy. I don't think it's an issue for either of us; however, if I started spending LOTS of time with my guy friend, he might feel a bit differently about it, and I'd probably have some concerns if he wanted to spend WAY more time with his girl friends than with me!
Interesting quote. I've heard many similar ones. In general, I do agree with it. If a person "needs" a relationship to be happy, complete, fulfilled, content, secure, etc., then that person probably needs to take some time to draw closer to God and find those things in Him. As great as a relationship may be, it will never be all that it should if God was not "enough" in the first place.
However, I do think that God gives us the desire to seek out a romantic relationship, to find that lifelong companion, and to marry. We can feel that we "need" a relationship to satisfy that desire, but at the same time be complete and secure in our relationship with God. In that case, there is no struggle against what God has planned...instead, there is a sense of peace because no matter what happens with the relationship, the person knows that God is in control.
Yeah, wait until the relationship is well established before going hiking! If a guy I'd never met suggested that we go hiking, I'd disappear as fast as I could. I'm not typically a paranoid person, but there are way too many instances of young ladies going hiking and never coming back...their bodies are found later by other hikers.
However, hiking can be a great date activity once two people know each other. It's probably one of my favorite date activities. I have two or three favorite trails in the area, and I really enjoy sharing my favorite spots with a special guy.
I'm really sorry you are hurting so much, and I'm really sorry that you have turned your back on God. God does promise to answer our prayers, but sometimes the answer is not what we want. He's not a machine into which we can put a prayer and receive the answer we choose. The apostle Paul believed that God could remove his "thorn in the flesh"...and he begged God to do so. God said that His grace was sufficient for Paul, though, and did not remove the affliction. Do I think that Paul just didn't believe hard enough? Of course not! If anyone could believe hard enough, it would have been Paul!
I started praying really hard for a husband in 2002...right about the time one of my closest friends got married at the age of 19. 3 years later, I redoubled my prayer efforts, when another very close friend got married the day after her 20th birthday. I believed that if I prayed hard enough, long enough, passionately enough, and with faith enough, God would grant my request. It's been 10 years since I started begging God for a husband; I'm 29 now, and it seems that all of my friends have left me behind. They are married, have children, etc. There have been many times when I shook my fist at God and asked Him why He didn't answer my prayers with a "yes." He could have. But his answer was either "no" or "wait."
Sure, I've dated a couple times. One guy lead me to believe that he intended to marry we, but he shattered those dreams when he suddenly decided that our relationship "wasn't working for him." Another guy stole my heart with his sweet words, but then made it very clear that he wasn't really interested in dating me. I'm seeing someone right now who seems to be really great...but even after 5 months I don't know if this relationship will last. It has great potential, but so did the others.
You aren't alone in your struggles. Obviously, many of us on this site are looking for a spouse as well. And if it were easy for us, or if God had already answered our prayers with a "yes," we would not be on this site.
I would encourage you to shake your fist at God. Tell Him your disappointments. Unload all your frustration on Him. He has big shoulders; He can handle it. It's OK to ask "why?" But don't blaspheme Him. Don't accuse Him of being incapable of answering your prayers. And then, I would encourage you to seek out alternate promises in the Bible. Promises that God knows what's best for you, that He won't leave your or forsake you, that He already has plans for you, and that He loves you. Claim those promises. When the old demons of doubt and anger and hurt try to come and pull you away, resist. And give God a chance to show you that He's really there...whether He answers your prayers the way you want Him to or not.
