WHERE IS EVERYBODY? How come so few new posts now on the Ask A Gal forum?
Posted : 28 Apr, 2012 03:01 PM
Dkj got it about right, I think. I have a couple different questions I've been mulling over, though, so I might get up the nerve to post them either in here or in "Ask a guy" one of these days.
First, let me say that we all have our preferences. Some people are pickier than others, or more determined to not compromise on those preferences. Different from preferences are standards. These are the things that we "require" in a partner. Some people's standards are other people's preferences, and vice versa.
I can't speak for all women when I say this, but I think that things such as height, weight, and color of skin/hair/eyes/whatever are for the most part preferences. But I'll go ahead and address each of those things from my own perspective.
1. Height: I'm fairly short myself (5'4"), so most guys are about my height or slightly taller. I noticed in your profile that you are 5'3", so you'd be slightly shorter, but not disturbingly so. While I'm initially more attracted to guys who are about 6' tall, a few of the cutest and most attractive guys I know are around my own height (maybe an inch taller). Their personality more than makes up for their height, and they don't appear to be unusually short because they carry themselves with a quiet confidence. So, I don't really take a guy's height into consideration.
2. Weight: That's a tough one. 10-20 pounds overweight would not be an issue at all. 50+ pounds overweight might be more of an issue, simply because of health reasons. More important than weight, though, is living a healthy lifestyle. If one eats a healthy diet and stays physically active, a slightly overweight body doesn't hurt his chances with me.
3. Color of skin/hair/etc.: If I had to describe my "perfect" man, I'd say he would have fair skin, maybe some freckles, brown or reddish brown hair, and blue or brown eyes. Those are the characteristics of most of the guys that I look at and think "Goodness he's cute!" That's just what I'm primarily attracted to. However, I know people of many different races, appearances, and colors that I find to be attractive. It really just depends on the guy and whether or not I actually have the chance to get to know him for who he is and not just base my opinions on what he looks like.
To me, dating is a way for a couple to intentionally get to know each other to see if marriage might be a possibility. Dating may not always end in marriage, but I think it's important to keep that in mind as the purpose for dating. In other words, once I know that I would never marry someone, I would not continue dating him.
The tricky part is making sure that the person you are dating feels the same. If two people are dating, but heading in different directions (ie. one is dating specifically to find a marriage partner, and the other is dating just to have a regular activity partner), there will be problems.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I don't think there is anything you can change that will guarantee that this won't happen again. You just have to move forward and realize that online dating is not so much different from real-life dating...you'll still meet jerks, you'll still meet creeps, you'll still meet frauds, and you'll still meet some really great guys too.
I had a pretty had online experience about two months ago. Last fall, I joined one of the larger paid sites that matches people based on "29 dimensions of compatibility." (You can probably guess which site that is!) The first few guys that I talked to on there seemed to have very little relationship potential for a variety of reasons. Then I started talking to someone who DID seem to have a lot of potential. We talked online for a couple weeks, then he asked if he could call me. I was thrilled that he asked, and we talked on the phone a few days later. That conversation lasted for nearly 2 hours, and was simply wonderful. We had similar interests, beliefs, values, morals, etc. Plus, he seemed like a really nice guy.
There was one thing that bothered me, though. He said that he hadn't always lived a very Godly life, and that there were things in his past that he wasn't proud of. He assured me that these things occurred before he was a Christian, and that he would tell me more about it once we knew each other better. At first, I was ok with that. After all, if it was in his past, and if he is a different person now because of what God did in his life, who was I to judge? But something just kept bothering me. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I felt that he hadn't been totally honest with me. Maybe it was that a small, seemingly insignificant detail on his profile was completely changed while we were in communication...the change made him more attractive to me, so I really noticed it. I was considering driving about 3-4 hours to meet him, so I needed to be SURE that he really was who he said he was, and that I would be safe if I made the trip to see him.
So I Googled him. All I had to put in was his name and city, and what I found out was shocking. His "past" was still occurring about 2 weeks before he contacted me online. That past involved multiple arrests and drug charges. There were other charges as well, but those are the ones that really stood out to me. He hadn't even had his court hearing yet for the most recent arrest.
I confronted him with what I'd found, and he confessed everything to me. Supposedly, he'd gotten saved in prison after the most recent arrest, and turned his life around. I think he was probably telling me the truth, but I told him that he needed to focus on his walk with God. I was not the girl for him.
So you see, we all have our really bad online experiences! Fortunately, there are also really good guys online, like the guy I met a couple weeks later and have been dating for the past month. :applause:
Last time I checked, there were an awful lot of men going around with beards. Those beards range from a few scraggly hairs, to goatees, to full-blown beards, and everything else in between. I haven't exactly heard or seen them being persecuted for having beards. In what ways have YOU been persecuted?
And, for the record, the guy that I'm dating has a beard of sorts...well, more like a goatee. It's quite nice looking.
Normally, I wouldn't think that being "sensitive" would be a bad thing. It's great if a guy is sensitive toward others. That shows maturity.
However, if a guy can't make it through a conversation without getting his feelings hurt, or if he is constantly misinterpreting what I (or others) said, or if he needs constant affirmation for every little thing, etc., it might get pretty old pretty fast...that's being too sensitive toward himself. (Not saying a guy should have super thick skin and never let anything get to him, but there has to be a balance!)
It's sad that the man made that comment; single people have just as much right to eat out (and eat out by themselves) as anyone else. The guy I'm seeing right now told me that he eats out a lot by himself, and it doesn't bother him at all...he takes a book to read, or just watches the people come and go. Sure, he'd rather have someone to talk to, but being alone does not stop him from enjoying his favorite restaurants.
Personally, I don't particularly enjoy eating out by myself, so if I can't find someone to go with me, I generally get take-out. I'd rather eat at home or in my office if the alternative is eating alone in a restaurant. Tonight, I needed to get supper on the way to a big performance I'm in. I had time to go in and eat, but rather than eat by myself, I got it to-go and ate in the theater while I waited for everyone else to get there...and I wasn't the only one who showed up with food! Several of us all sat around and ate our supper together.
Check out marrywell.org. While it doesn't necessarily match you up with someone based on beliefs, there are very specific profile questions that give much insight into what each person believes and what they are looking for in a spouse's beliefs. I've had good luck on there, and that's where I met the guy I'm currently getting to know (I guess we are in the early stages of dating).
