I've only done the free trial of christian cafe. It seemed ok, and I liked some of the features, but I don't know that it was worth paying for. The real advantage might come in with the number of members on there who are actually sincere in their search...if they paid, they are probably serious about it! I guess you could try it for a month or so just to see, and if you like it, commit to a longer period of time.
I've only scanned all the replies, so rather than address each one, I'm just going to throw my 2 cents in with regards to the initial question "Is it wrong to have preferences as a christian?"
My answer? No! It's not wrong. That doesn't mean we get all of our preferences, though. That's why I have a short list of "requirements" that I based on Biblical principles. If a man meets those requirements, I'll gladly compromise on preferences. All else (ie. the requirements) being equal, though, I'll pick the guy who meets both my requirements AND my preferences. :angel:
This is one of those topics that I'm sort of torn on. Lustful, passionate, lengthy, etc. kissing is wrong before marriage. It will only lead the couple to wanting "more," and since "more" needs to wait until marriage, that sort of kissing has no place prior to marriage. I don't think that all romantic kissing is wrong, though. Each couple needs to decide what works for them, and what is "too much."
Personally, I will be willing to kiss once I'm engaged, as long as they are brief kisses that aren't overly passionate. Why do I feel this way? Because I think I would have a really hard time going from "nothing" to "everything" within a few short hours on my wedding day/night. However, if it's important to my fiance that we not kiss before the wedding, I would respect that.
buying cloths for my girl friend = bad experiance why?
Posted : 18 Jun, 2012 08:24 PM
I agree with the advice you've been given...don't try to buy a girl clothes. It won't work! The one and only exception to this rule that I can think of would be a souvenir t-shirt...and even then, it's risky because it's hard to select the right size due to different cuts, styles, fabrics, etc.
As for the girl not letting you see the dress ON her, PLEASE don't try to make a girl do that. If she wants to show you the dress, she will; if she doesn't want to, she probably has a good reason. Maybe the dress wasn't just "a little" too tight...maybe she couldn't even get it fastened. Maybe it was far more low-cut on her body type than it appeared on the hanger (that happens to me frequently). Maybe she just doesn't feel comfortable parading around in a dress so that you can look at it (and her).
Online dating is HARD, just so ya know! Given how "normal" and well-educated you are, you might want to try a site like OKCupid. It seems to attract a different crowd, and there is a pretty good base of Christians on there even though it's a secular free site. That's where I met my first boyfriend (he was an electrical engineer who worked for a software development company).
Also, if you haven't tried any other sites, you wouldn't know this...but CDFF is pretty dead other than the forums. I've been on CDFF for three years. It is RARE that I get a message or even a wink. Very, very few guys contact me first, and when I initiate communication, I get NO responses. The only reason I'm still on here is because of the forums.
How do you be friends with a girl, you would want to date?
Posted : 11 Jun, 2012 05:26 PM
In response to: "how do I not get to know her as strictly friends and court her in such away that at some point we move on into a relationship."
I think you are going to have to do what most people would call "casual dating." Get to know her. Take her out. Invite her to join you for mixed group events. Introduce her to your family, and hope that she'll introduce you to hers. Be intentional about really getting to know her. Ask lots of questions, learn what she likes and doesn't like. But don't pressure her for any sort of exclusivity in dating you...not until you are sure you want to "court" her. Don't ask her where she sees the "relationship" going (because, after all, it's only a friendship, right?). Don't introduce her as your girlfriend...just saying "This is so-and-so" when making introductions is totally acceptable.
Then, when you are pretty sure that you want to actually court her, move the friendship to the next level. If that involves asking her father (or mother, grandparents, guardian, whoever) for permission, do that. If it simply involves having an honest discussion with her about being exclusive and actually dating seriously, do that. If it means that you ask her if you may officially court her, do that. Maybe it's as simple as telling her that you'd like to spend more time with her, and then start really showing her how you feel (ie. woo her with flowers, candy, compliments, actions, whatever makes her feel especially happy and loved). But I don't think that you can just transition from "friends" to "a couple" without there being some sort of defining moment, however major or minor it may be.
Hope this helps! (For the record, I'm in the "friendship stage" with someone right now, and won't assume that he wants to take our friendship to the next level until he makes it clear that he is ready for that. So I sort of know what you are going through...but from the opposite perspective!)
How do you be friends with a girl, you would want to date?
Posted : 6 Jun, 2012 08:56 PM
I agree that how you met this girl makes a huge difference. When two people meet on a dating site, they are pretty obviously looking for someone to date. If you try to get to know her strictly as a friend, she may decide that all you wanted was a friend, and she'll move on emotionally. I know this because I've been in her shoes. If you are interested in getting to know her better so that you can make a decision to date her or not, let her know that's your goal. And then don't drag out the decision. Once you know that you do or don't want to date her, TELL her. She will appreciate your honesty.
If you met this girl through friends, church, school, etc., you will have a better chance of getting to know her as a friend before dating her. Attend group events and make sure to talk to her, invite her and some other friends over for a movie night, maybe even ask her if she'd like to get together and do something for fun sometime. Don't put a lot of pressure on her to go places alone with you, but at the same time you should make an obvious effort to get to know HER. I know a guy who wanted to get to know a particular girl at church, and he asked his parents to help him...they began to cultivate a deeper friendship with this girl's parents (as opposed to the casual friendship they'd had previously), and the families began to get to know each other. It was obvious to all involved that there was a reason for this new friendship, but it allowed the guy and girl to spend time together without the pressures of actually "dating" or "courting." They ended up getting married.
First, let me say that I'm pretty conservative when it comes to physical contact in a relationship. Sex is absolutely something to be saved for marriage, no question about that. Even kissing is something that I'd be careful about, though I would not be opposed to a certain amount of kissing in the weeks leading up to the wedding. No intense kissing, though.
I know from my very limited experience that I greatly enjoy holding hands and hugging. I see nothing whatsoever wrong with holding hands...when I had a boyfriend, it always made me feel very secure and loved when he would reach for my hand. Hugging can be a bit of a slippery slope, though, so even though hugs are wonderful (for the same reasons as holding hands!), they need to be kept "appropriate."
Would I date a guy who didn't believe in ANY physical contact prior to marriage? Yes, I probably would, but I would also need to make it clear to him that I might have a difficult time going from "nothing" to "everything" within a few short hours on the wedding day/night...if the relationship got that far. He would also need to show his affection in other ways, or I might feel that he wasn't attracted to me at all.
Can a relationship last without physical contact? I know of relationships that have. Like someone else said, if the only difference in dating and friendship is the physical contact, there are other problems. (For the record, I have a close guy friend who has no problem hugging me...yet we've never dated.)
Even though it's one way to figure out who may and who may not be an active member, I've found that just because it says someone is online, doesn't mean that they are actually on CDFF. Some web browsers automatically log people in before they ever even go the CDFF site.
In my own experiences, I've gotten a lot of "missed instant message" notices because of that; it says I'm online, a guy tries to IM me, and I don't get the IM because I'm not actually on CDFF. I eventually turned off the IM feature altogether because of that.
