You make some good points. I've seen those awkward break-ups happen, and they aren't fun. However, you have just started visiting there. It's not like you have already put down roots. You liked it, though, so you have a legitimate reason to keep going there. If things don't work out with the girl, and you feel that it would be awkward to keep attending there, you can choose to visit other churches at that time. No one is forcing you to stay at that church. Besides, you might discover that you don't like it as much once you've had a little more time there.
scenario situation and a couple of questions follow
Posted : 21 Aug, 2012 07:32 PM
1. Would you date a guy that wanted to wait on children?
Answer: Yes, I would. I don't want to have children within the first couple years of marriage either. Those first few years are a time to get to know each other on a different level, enjoy being newlyweds, and learn how to be a married couple. It's hard enough to do that without throwing a woman's hormones for a loop within the first year.
However, there is something else to consider. Age. The risk involved with pregnancy goes up considerably when a woman reaches her mid-30s. I'm 29. Speaking hypothetically here, if I were to get married next summer, I'd be 30. If my husband and I waited 3 years to start a family, I'd be 33 when I had my first baby. That's IF I conceived easily. If my husband was determined not to start a family for at least 5-6 years, that would put me at 35 - 36...that is getting into the riskier years. Suppose I don't conceive easily. That makes me even older. The risk to both me and the baby goes up.
The point is, a couple has to take many things into consideration when deciding when to start a family. If a couple marries in their early 20s, they have more years to play around with than a couple who marries in their 30s. If the timeline of starting a family matters to either person (and it probably will), that needs to be discussed openly and honestly, with all factors considered and both people willing to compromise as needed.
2. Could a guy find a lady that love to go hiking, play pool and do general hobbies a lot etc.? I am meaning regularly each year and spend time with each other before they bring a child into the world. I know you can go have fun with children such as going to the park or amusement park but it is a lot of responsibility.
Answer: Yes, I think so! I know a number of newlywed couples who try to spend as much time doing activities together as possible. They know that they will never get those years back, and they don't want to waste the opportunity! I hope that when I get married, my husband and I can spend a lot of time together just enjoying each others' company...whether that be on vacations, weekend getaways, day trips, date nights, working on hobbies, or just quiet evenings spent at home.
3. Does a couple's individual political views matter as far as having a long-lasting relationship?
Answer: I believe that individual political views DO matter greatly. No, it's not the most important thing, but political differences can often reflect differences in deeper beliefs and values. A couple doesn't have to vote for the same people in every election, but agreement in political views in general would indicate that the couple is on the same page in other areas as well. But maybe this is putting the cart before the horse. If a couple agrees on spiritual, ethical, moral, and financial values, they are likely to agree on politics as well.
So you think you know who you are talking to is really who they say they are.....
Posted : 18 Aug, 2012 07:25 PM
My all-time favorites are the marriage proposals in the first message. Yes, that's happened quite a few times on this site and other sites. They usually go something like this:
"Dearest one, I found you to be so beautiful that I fell in love with you immediately. Will you do me the honor of marrying me? I look forward to you arriving in (insert name of foreign country) to join me in my work here."
Michael, I'm assuming that you mean Iaokim should approach the girl in that way AFTER he gets to know her a little better first, correct? Iaokim has the rare opportunity to get to know this girl a little better, and in a relatively easy way over a relatively short period of time, without making things awkward if he should decide that he's not as interested as he initially thought. I think this is probably the ideal situation, and the one that I would pick if I were the girl!
I think you are in a good position to get to know her a little better through church activities, mutual friends, etc., and then ask her out. My one word of caution would be to make sure that you are clear that you are asking her on a DATE. Not asking her out as a friend. Not asking her out because you don't have anything better to do on a Friday evening. You want a DATE with HER.
If the first date goes well, ask her on a second. Be intentional about it. Talk about the important things, but also have some lighthearted conversations along the way too. Try to experience a lot of different situations together. Mingle with her friends from time to time, and mingle with yours...how she treats them, and how she treats you in front of them, will tell you a lot about her, and vice versa.
guy gets married without kissing his woman all during courtship
Posted : 14 Aug, 2012 07:33 PM
Crayola, I'll be honest enough to say that I'd be ok with some kissing (alright, maybe not super passionate kissing) before marriage. Yes, I agree that it can lead "elsewhere" if the couple isn't careful, but I'd still be willing to experience at least a few trial runs of the wedding ceremony kiss before the big day!
That said, I'd also be ok with waiting until the wedding to kiss. Not my first preference, since I'm not crazy about the idea of that "first kiss" happening in front of a bunch of people...talk about awkward! But if it was important to my guy, I'd respect that.
Some physical contact is important in a relationship, though. If a couple never touches one another even in the most "innocent" ways, they are missing out on a special part of the relationship. Holding hands is pretty harmless. Even hugs aren't too bad. Both allow you to bond with the other person and get comfortable with him/her. And, if you notice yourself finding ways to keep your hands full and unavailable, or always backing away when saying goodnight, maybe that's an indication that you aren't in the right relationship!
As far as people who say you need to kiss to make sure the other person is a good kisser... Well, I guess I'd probably completely fail that "test." I've never kissed a guy, so I'm quite sure I'm a terrible kisser at the moment. If a guy wants to hold my lack of experience against me...well, he's probably not the right guy for me anyway.
The first time I met a guy from an online dating site, we just met for coffee. I assumed we'd talk for 30 minutes or so, and then go our separate ways. It was "just" a meeting. Three hours into the meeting, we hadn't run out of things to talk about. So I guess the 30 minute idea wasn't such a good one in that case!
The second guy I met from an online dating site was actually someone I had known through mutual acquaintances for several years. Our first "official" meeting lasted for about an hour, but we could have talked for longer.
The short of it is, I think it depends on the people and the situation.
All of my actual meetings with people (both from this website and from other websites) have been extremely pleasant experiences. I've met three guys from three different sites, to be exact. The first guy was painfully shy, but we still ended up dating for 3 months. The second guy was really more of just a friend because of the distance between us, but after a year of talking on CDFF and Facebook, we finally met. He was great, just exactly the type of guy he seemed to be online! We were able to meet again a year after that, and we still stay in touch. The third guy is someone that I'm still seeing...not quite sure if we are to the "really dating" point yet, though we've been seeing each other regularly for several months.
The phone calls, now, are another story! Some have gone well, but we just didn't click for whatever reason. Others...well, that's where the fun started! One guy talked about himself for a very long time, and hardly let me get a word in edgewise. At first I thought he was just nervous, but it became pretty clear that he didn't really care about what I had to say...every time I tried to say something, he would cut me off. Another guy seemed really great on the phone, but I found out shortly after that that he'd been involved in some criminal activity in recent history (as in, two weeks before we "met" online).
And when it comes to online chats and emails? Wow. That's all I can say for some of the guys. One guy who was much too young for me tried to convince me that he was super mature...and managed to prove himself completely wrong in the process. Another guy just wanted to marry me. Right away. And then there are the interesting international emails. One guy moved from some country in Africa to Arkansas within a matter of minutes when I said I wasn't interested in dating outside the USA. Uh huh. Right.
But overall, my experiences have been pretty good. I just wish there were more guys in my local area to choose from!
