I started talking to a guy on here within a week or so of joining (way back in 2009). We live about 800 miles apart and neither of us is in a position to move that far away, so dating was never a viable option. We did get to be close friends, though, and even have managed to meet in person. The first time we met, he was working at a camp only a couple hours away from my home; he was able to get some free time one afternoon so that we could meet and chat. The second time, he detoured to my town on his way elsewhere and we were able to spend a lot of time together over a period of three days.
No, we still aren't dating, and I don't know that our friendship will last forever (as we find relationships elsewhere, it might get awkward to have such a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex). But I guess that we are something of a success story since we met on CDFF and got to be friends!
There is no way to edit or remove a post...one of the frustrations of this forum. Once you post it, it's there forever.
Cobbler may have deleted his account, but I bet he still comes back and reads the forums. (You don't have to have an account to read stuff, but you do to post stuff.) I hope he'll see that we really do want to encourage him, even though we don't quite know how.
It's a different kind of friendship, at least for me. I have close girl friends, and my "best" friend is a girl. I also have one very close guy friend, but he's not my "best" friend. There are some things that I talk about with my girl friends that I don't discuss with my guy friend. He just doesn't understand about PMS, hormones, fashion, makeup, and he REALLY doesn't want to talk about which guy is cuter! But he IS a good sounding board for some of my crazier ideas, we talk about spiritual stuff, we laugh at each others jokes, and we get along great.
Guy/girl friendships do have their dangers, though. Friendships like that often result in one person being attracted to the other, but the feeling is not usually mutual. That can make a strictly platonic friendship really tough. Not impossible, but tough. Believe me, I know.
I'm going to wade into this discussion and attempt to not directly address any particular posts.
I think there are a couple different kinds of contentment and discontentment. I'm content with my life right now. No, it's not perfect, but I could continue on as I am and live a full, productive life. I have friends, family, a great job, a solid church, etc. I know that I'm where God wants me right now.
In spite of that contentment, though, there is one area in which I feel discontent...my single status. I believe that God places within most people a desire to marry; no matter how full our lives are, there is still a little empty spot in us until we find a spouse. No, getting married won't make up for discontentment in other areas. It won't replace a relationship with God. It won't replace a life lived to the fullest within God's will. It sure won't be a bed of roses all the time. But it's still a part of being human, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to get married to fill up that God-given empty spot.
So here is my short answer to "Why get married?" I want to get married because God has given me that desire. Until He brings along a guy, though, I have to try to find contentment on a daily basis in what He has already given me.
I think if this happened to me, I'd probably be in such shock that I couldn't even move, or else I'd be so mad that I'd slap the guy silly. :angel: But hey...at least it shows that a guy has confidence!
I'm actually dealing with something similar right now. I've been talking to a guy on another site, and he let me know right off (and I think it was even in his profile) that even though he was raised in a Christian home, he hadn't always lived a very Godly life. He said that God had completely turned his life around, though. He didn't go into more detail than that. He is gradually sharing more about his past as we get to know each other better, and he told me that once he feels comfortable doing so, he'll tell me everything.
Part of me wants to run in the other direction because I have no idea what he'll tell me. My over-active imagination is running wild and coming up with all sorts of horrible things he could have been involved with.
Another part of me wants to give him a chance because everything he says makes me believe that he really is a great guy. And if his past really is in his past, then who am I to judge him for it? Granted, there could be things that have current consequences, so I need to be careful not to just ignore his past.
So what am I doing? Keeping an open mind and praying about it a lot. And when he finally tells me, I'll ask God to help me know what to do.
In all of my 28 years, I've only been in a relationship once on Valentine's Day. He got me roses and a card, and cooked dinner for me at his house, which was more than I expected and was really sweet of him. That was two years ago. This year will be just like the rest of the years...no cards, no roses, no romantic dinner. My mom might get me some candy (she usually does that for me and my sisters), but it's just not the same!
So sure, I'd like a Valentine's Day message...but I wish it could come from someone who actually cares instead of someone who messages me just because I responded to this topic.
Nice idea, though! Maybe a bunch of folks will sign up!
To me, "decent job" equals two things. 1) It is legal. 2) It provides a steady income to support a family.
As for settling, when I hear that someone is willing to settle for so-and-so, I assume that there are some things that he/she wishes were different, but the person is not willing to wait for someone better.
A better connotation of settling for someone would be when a person has always sought perfection in a partner, but finally realizes that perfection is not going to happen. At that point, the person will settle for an imperfect partner who is still a great match.
If you are talking about being ready to settle down, I assume that the person is ready to make some decisions that will impact the rest of his/her life. The person is ready to find a spouse, which will lead to having kids, etc. I also think of it meaning that the person is finished with educational goals (though there could be room in the future for more education), has a stable job and place to live, and is ready to accept the full responsibilities of being a grown-up. Of course, settling down doesn't mean that life has to be boring!
This is an interesting thread, especially in light of a conversation I had with two of my single friends last night. We were having some great girl-talk, and we got to talking about the single guys we know. Here are some of the things that we said about them:
1. They are really cute guys.
2. They are intelligent, have a solid education, and can carry on a really intellectually stimulating conversation...or just goof off and have fun.
3. They are Christians, and are active in church.
4. They avoid committing to anything long-term because they keep "waiting for God to show them the next step to take" in their lives.
5. They complain constantly about being single, and seem to have a generally negative outlook on life that they blame on their single status.
6. From what we can tell, and for reasons that are mysterious to us, they almost never ask girls out. When they do actually get a date, they break things off almost immediately because they aren't 100% sure right off that she's "the one." (Their words, not mine.)
7. They are genuinely nice guys, and they are genuinely good guys.
Our conclusion? They are exactly that...GUYS. Not men. They are boys in 30+ year old bodies. If they were really serious about dumping their single status, they would man up, ask some girls out, and if there were not major dealbreakers they would keep on dating the girls. Instead of actually trying, they come to us single girls and complain. Oh, but they are also pretty vocal about not appreciating it when single girls "hit on them" or make it clear that they want to date them, because, after all, aren't guys supposed to take the lead? :rolleyes:
Anyhoo, all that to say, a guy and be a genuinely nice guy, and he can be a genuinely good guy, but if he's behaving like these big kids my friends and I know, it's no wonder girls are turned off by the idea of a "nice guy!" We want a real, Godly, MAN!
