These past few weeks have been pretty disappointing in terms of getting even initial responses to my messages. Having tried meeting other people online on and off for about two years now I have come to get used to the fact that the message response rate is just not that great.
Every now and then I run across an amazing profile and hope for a response. The past two weeks, I found three such profiles, which is really rare. Usually I only run across a truly great profile every 3-4 months or so. Needless to say all three didn't yield any positive results!
The first profile was surprisingly in the actual city where I reside, which pretty much never happens! I sent a message right away taking the time of course to make it unique and highlight some of the things I liked about her profile and briefly mentioned some of the things about me we apparently had in common. Usually if I don't get a reply within a week, I assume I will not be getting a response.
This time, it was just over a week that I got a response back from this person and I was pretty excited. I sent a reply back when I had the chance and it seemed I had made a good first impression. A few days later I check back in and found that her profile had been deleted without warning. I was pretty bummed about it to say the least! It is one thing to just never get a response, it is another to get a response and have things seemingly off to a good start only to have it end without warning!
The second profile I came across was more typical--regionally close to my location (within 300 miles), but of course the greater the distance, the less likely the response. Typically I only message those profiles within my region if the profile mentions relocation as a possibility and they are willing to meet people outside of their locality. The profile demonstrated a strong commitment to Christ, a great unique personality, and a lot of shared interests. But sadly not even a single reply!
The third profile was pretty much the final nail in the coffin over the past few weeks. This profile was not on this dating site, but on another non-Christian dating site. The girl seemed too good to be true when she talked about her Christian faith and walk with the Lord was her first and foremost priority. We had a lot of shared interests--she even was a fan of zombie movies! I won't go into too much detail, but the profile reflected pretty much everything I was looking for in a girl and more (a doubly awesome profile!) Sadly she lives all the way on the other side of the country (her in California and me in Florida!) I didn't expect a reply whatsoever because of the vast distance, but it still bums me out lol.
It seems more often than not that I find great Christian girls who are compatible with me over vast distances from where I am located. It would be nice if long distance weren�t such a deterring factor in finding someone. Where are our hover cars or transporters that we were promised!? lol It seems the greater the profile, the further the distance! Maybe this is a psychological thing? We want what we can't have. We idealize the person knowing that the odds are nil to none of anything real ever coming from it apart from a genuine miracle of God? lol
Like I mentioned before, I realize the response rates are horrible and that girls especially have to sift through a lot of junk to find the good messages. But it seems to always take a little more out of me than usual when I don't get a response from a truly great profile. Not knowing why I didn't get a response seems to be the most frustrating part about it. Was it something I said? Was it something on my profile? Did I have a grammar typo? Did my message get lost in the hoard of bad messages? Or was the distance simply too great a deterrence? Or even something else entirely? If I know the reason I can more readily accept it and move on. If it was something that I can change or improve upon I can work to improve myself and strive to be a better man that God would have me to be! I am who I am, I am confident in who I am as a child of God. I don't try to make myself something I am not!
So yeah, just thought I would share my most recent experiences and thoughts on the subject! Whatever happens and even if I never find a partner to share my life with, I know that God is good and I will praise Him. I will be thankful for everything that he has given me because it is truly already so much more than I deserve! Trying to find someone and facing disappointment after disappointment can be discouraging. It can lead you to be bitter about your circumstances. Resist that temptation and focus on being the man/woman God would have you to be! Trust that everything will work out in according to His Will and Providence! Hang in there, you are not alone!
"The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident." - Psalm 27: 1,3
Exactly. The reason why I don't list those personality preferences on my profile is because they are just that preferences -- they are not "'must haves".
And trust me I do not want another girl just like me -- that would get old fast lol. In general, I look for a girl that can appreciate my strengths while complementing my weaknesses and vice versa.
Ultimately I believe any two people within reason can have a successful relationship if they are willing to put forth the effort into understanding each other and are united in following Christ. Although some personality combinations do get along easier than others! lol
Over time through a lot of thought and prayer based on my personal dating experiences in person and online I have developed a strong sense of what I am looking for in a potential partner.
On my profile, I do mention a few of my basic preferences. I have thought about going into more detail about what type of girl I am interested in such as her personality etc. to encourage girls who meet that describe to message and/or respond to my messages after viewing my profile. However, I do not want to come across as negative/overly picky or discourage otherwise great Christian girls from messaging me simply because they feel they do not exactly measure up to my listed preferences.
So far I have been pretty content with the way I handle those preferences by leaving the details for topics of conversation in my personal messages.
However, I'm always looking for ways to improve my profile.
So how much is too much in regards to listing personal preferences on your profile?
Just to clarify when I referred to a strong, confident woman, I was referring to the Biblical view of what a woman should be. And as Christian guys we should want that kind of woman.
Like godsgirl said, women suffer the same problem as men when it comes to the culture and media. But that is really another topic all together.
A guy can certainly be a gentleman and be confident in himself without being a pushover or a jerk. Of course women want a confident guy.
We are supposed to be courageous and capable of leadership spiritually and otherwise especially in a marriage relationship. If a guy doesn't display those qualities when meeting or dating a girl of course she shouldn't be interested!
In American culture especially, the media has destroyed the image of what a real man should be. The media has helped create a false dichotomy where confident guys are jerks and good guys are pushovers or "nice guys". Check out any modern American sitcom and you will be hard pressed to find a gentleman confident and capable of leadership in any role.
Think about it just to name a few: Everybody Loves Raymond, King of Queens, My Boys, According to Jim, Two and a Half Men, etc. The men are either womanizing jerks or completely incompetent pushovers with strong overbearing wives etc.
Now to be clear, there is nothing wrong with a strong confident woman. We should prefer them if anything! But a strong woman or any woman for that matter not only wants but needs a man capable of confidence and leadership so he can fulfill his biblical role as husband and head of the house. So he can love and lead his family as Christ loves us with an unconditional, sacrificial love.
I've thought about putting my Briggs-Meyers personality type on my profile. For those familiar with the test it would definitely give them a very accurate snapshot of my core personality more so than anything I could possibly say in the short few paragraphs before the view starts losing interest.
I've needed to update and redo my profile for a while now. Just trying to focus on finishing this last year of law school and then the job hunt afterwards! Looking forward to moving back home to Florida. Maybe I will have better luck with my native kind! haha Ultimately though as a Christian I don't believe in luck. God is sovereign and His providence is always at work especially when and where we least see it.
I can understand what they may be trying to say, but it is really an oversimplification to the extent it becomes downright false.
As Christians we shouldn't have relationships with unbelievers? Sure we shouldn't be unequally yoked with unbelievers but we are also called to be a witness to them. How can we do that without forming meaningful relationships?
What about parents? Assuming they are Christians the brother/sister in Christ category cannot accurately portray that time of relationship.
I'm sure there are many other inconsistencies with limiting all relationships to those three categories but it is late and I must sleep :zzzz: lol
