Hi Arcangelsrock that's not a crazy question at all. I haven't experienced that personally but can just tell how much of a TURN OFF it seems! Were you able to stop him from calling?
�I am not convinced that God wants us spending too much time fulfilling our wanton desires to have a mate. I am not stating that you all are! Id settle for just a companion of any sex to walk it out with! It takes time to develop a relationship and it takes lots of money to develop a relationship long distance! Money that I know we dont have! If you had money youd most likely be on a paying dating site right?�
Thank you dear sis for reminding us about our Lord's return which is very soon indeed! I believe that there's life and activities while waiting as long as we do all inline with God's expectations of us as his chosen ones. Let's not belittle or make it sound 'bad' on those who are pursuing their personal interest in searching for a mate. Marriage was created by and for the glory of the Lord too, those investing time on this are not doing anything wrong weather it's done online or inperson.
Being willing to 'settle' for a companion of any sex to get through life's struggles with finance as you mentioned, it's your rightful personal choice same goes with those who are seeking for lifetime partners. And again not everyone searching for a mate is driven by the struggles of life with food, housing, keeping lights on etc... Some people still have right godly reasons of uniting as 'one'. I hear your point though most people are struggling, that one is a reality of life!
Being on a paying dating site if we had money... Don't generalise everyone here just cause it's a free dating site. Having money doesn't necessarily mean I wouldn't have taken advantage of a free site for a fellowship with other believers of my kind. One may be loaded and still be humbled enough to prioritise and spend money when needed. Altinating for a 'free site' doesn't make every one broke.
One more thing: Dating sites are just as consuming if not less than searching inperson. Since dating sites give false hope, is reality search any less hopeful? Weren't fellows misled in reality, weren't fellows betrayed, wasn't there dishonesty involved without the other innocent part knowing? How different really is online versus reality, is there a difference at all?
�Id settle for just a companion of any sex to walk it out with!�
Relationships' weather be on a friendly or personal level, still require money, effort, time etc. Choosing to settle for whatever that you may, doesn't ease anything. Relating will always require so much from us.
Much appreciation once more for reminding us of our Lord's return. I personally needed that!
Having prayed and asking God's guidance in finding a mate, I still believe that the responsibility of self searching and having certain questions asked and answered within our selves will always be our place in asmuch as we are dependent on God's help. I was just wondering on the following questions:
To which extend can one perceive unism with an opposite sex being mature enough to maybe take it deeper and communicate matters that would have sabotaged the relation had they've been communicated earlier?
When can one even 'assume' that the bond is now stronger and can take certain discussions without parties involved feeling timidity and the relation itself being shaken?
Would you say that instead of having two parties of opposite sex connecting and bonding, which consumes time, effort and availability, they should just rather spare them selves time wasting and lay things on the table in early days OR this may sabotage a potential should matters be discussed in premature stages?
Depending on your answers on the above 3question asked; are relationships really worthy of efforts invested? How..?
Narrowed dating field for: Being Born again & Choosing to defer sexual intimacy until Marriage!
Posted : 31 Jan, 2015 12:54 PM
�Is it just me not finding these Godly guys or is that a serious challenge out there?�
My rely may not be in-line with the asked question, to top up I may even answer your question with another question myself!
I often wonder how frustrated would I have been if I was seriously seeking for a mate, seeing that I get frustrated any way when I'm not looking. My recent question in addition to the one you asked is this, �Are those claiming to have found partners maybe ended up compromising their requirements or are they seriously happy with partners found?�
My concern is a lack of 'boldness in leadership' from our young brothers. To a certain extend I do get it, that guys are attracted to ladies who are responsible for their well beings without being dependant. Though it seems like the tables have turned altogether. Guys wanna be provided for these days which may not be that wrong again should I be challenged in depth with this. But then again what is this communicating not only financially, but when looking at the relationship at large? A relationship layed on a foundation of disorder and twisted positions is destined for disaster! May only be a question of time. If a guy cannot make little priceless sacrifices that reflect him a leader, how can he be really entrusted with fruits of your womb? Are woman slowly but surely turning from being helpers to 'providers' all in the name of independency?
Can you clear the dust when disappointed yourself?
Posted : 31 Jan, 2015 11:41 AM
Blessed are you PoiseNGrace for observing and making most of an opportunity to minister to me and thanks giving for time invested in typing such a heartfelt reply! And no dear one you didn't sound 'mean' at all, but rather meant well in all shared!
Yes God wasn't involved yet unless the other part has in his privacy. With me there was nothing solid just yet to present to God neither were there much expectations from this. Being disappointed wasn't triggered by the expectation that wasn't met but rather by reflecting and painting a certain image in my mind and doing the total opposite of what was reflected. I may not be that clued up about relationships' and how they work, but I doubt that a man can behave in a manner that sort of secures his territory from other guys and one minute be committed to somebody else. This questions so much in me.
* First of all: How do you entrust one with your most vulnerable moment and let yourself be seen falling apart, melting in broken heart at your mother's death and after this intimate moment you keep the very person from parting in good news of become 'one' with your found mate? This would have cleared things up and maybe yes, would have called for a deeper conversation as one question would have followed after the other but the main intention of the conversation would have been served, which is clarity without time wasted!
I should have taken responsibility earlier instead of being silence. Reason I was silent is cause I didn't wanna be ahead of him since I didn't have any expectations any way plus I'm always in a driving seat with matters of my life. I wanted to just chill for a change and let a man be in charge. Had I questioned things in earlier, there wouldn't have been a single date cause I usually dismiss anything that has a potential of ending up in a relationship. I'm content with my space and get easily intimidated at the thought of having someone sharing my space on a personal level. Had I asked, we would have been compromised of so much! Not referring to meals shared but constructive conversations held to a point of a stronger bond that layed a ground of being invited to share in a crucial moment of his mother's death. Why would one keep that from a found partner, who'll ultimately be a wife soon? Why was the family comfortable with my presence if there's someone in the picture? All this is not making any sense
But nonetheless, may your wisdom and understanding continue to expand as you remain rooted in the depth of God's hidden reassures... That being the knowledge of His divine word. Thank you for every discernment scripture shared. I'll apply these from now moving forth... Thank you!
Can you clear the dust when disappointed yourself?
Posted : 28 Jan, 2015 01:59 AM
Have you ever found yourself having to explain to people what you also don't understand, let alone being disappointed yourself?
I hope this short summery will make a little sense somehow.
There's this guy who shows you that he likes you but there's nothing confirmed verbally other than body language and him sort of securering his territory so to speak when other guys are around you. He calls often and ask you out sometimes, so now fellows who know you both get to see you in public together either at the movies or in restaurants. You don't really know what's happening and you don't ask but just enjoying the attention given you.
To your surprise you one day get a phone call from his mother, (whom you haven't met) panicking and wondering if you know where his son would be. He disappeared for days so they are wondering if his with you maybe? Other than a shock of his mother having your contact number, you now start worrying too if his ok and where could he be. Few months later (continuation of another episode) he calls you crying, only to inform you that his mother has just past on. He kindly asks you to come to his mother's place if you can, for you one of few people whom he prefers being around with at this moment. Now this communicates volumes in you regarding your unism as you quickly drop everything and rush to see him.
Further surprise when you get there, you're this person every one knew about in his family. It was only a question of time before they finally meet you (This is not said verbally, it's just in the atmosphere as you being introduced). Now through out this week as you're being seen more with him with the funeral arrangements, you know in your heart that people perceive you guys as a couple. You start experiencing a cold shoulder and arrogance from ladies you least expected this from. It's as if you ladies are kinda fighting for him yet you don't communicate this to his especially with the funeral ups and downs.
(Continuation of another episode) You hear shocking rumours that his getting married to someone else... A person you don't even know. As amazed as you are and can't make sense of all this, people want to know what really happened with you guys cause you seemed like a happy couple not long ago.
How do you explain all this and suppress the shock of having to hear this from them, especially since there's really nothing to explain inspite of weather you came across as a couple in public or not. This was left un-com firmed between you guys, the last time you checked you were waiting for him to say something and enjoying the attention while waiting, only to hear that from people.
How do you clear the dust... With him all silent on you?
�All i want from a guy is to be a real honest with himself..nothing but honesty counts with me.�
That's a sensefull and interesting reply you shared there. There's no way he can be honest with you when failing to be honest with himself first! But now how do you know or rather make sure that his telling the truth considering that you have never met him inperson, you don't know him at all to even figure out if his now telling lies? Do you have some sort of a strategy that you kinda use that you can share with ladies in this dating site maybe... Cause if there's a way of finding out if one is being dishonest, I'd like to learn and use that strategy on my daily encounters.
Do you ask him the same question a number of times in different ways maybe with a timeframe of different days in between your massaging?
Please kindly share sis and thank you for educating us!
Creativity plays a big part in online dating in regard with getting a lady's attention let alone maintaining the flow if she'll be interested to interact at all. But then again how can one expect an inexperienced guy to be creative when his still learning? This is where and when you notify the lady that you're trying to break the ice with, that you're interested in getting to know her better though you are still in your baby steps with online dating!
Highlight what you think you have in common with her from her profile summery and capitalise on that so you both have a common ground in your first massages, then a conversation will flow from there. With time you'll know if you should open up and express what your needs are from a relationship and what you have to offer. You'll know also if it's just not worth you communicating to that extend. And again be more cautious that you're not manipulated and taken advantage of after you've made known that you're in your learning steps with online dating!
Hope that helps a bit hey... God be with you in your search.
I know that you've intended your question for guys specifically. I'd like to share my view on this if you won't mind me doing so.
In regard with Abigail and David, Abigail availed herself to David when she met up with him and pleaded that he changes his mind not to kill guys from her country. If it hadn't been for her wise move of meeting and providing David and his fellows with food, these two would have met the hard way when David was now killing guys from Abigail's country. Including her very husband. I doubt they would have fallen in love had this been the case!
Same goes with Ruth. These ladies had to expose them selves to relevant places to be recognised and approached. Rebekah was very fortunate to be found home in her father's house. That's not very usual. I therefore consider christian ladies partaking here being in a relevant place to meet up with christian brothers who are equally yoked with them.
Apologies once more for partaking in a mans' topic. I trust that you don't mind me doing this.
seek ye firsy the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you
Posted : 28 Dec, 2014 09:37 AM
Interesting question you've asked there Eastnat. I think it applies to every area of our lives, that includes relationships' too. Though I've always had a concern regarding a healthy balance between our physical responsibilities and our spiritual lives. I've noticed that there's such emphasy on spiritual focus in relationships which I don't mind at all. But we kinda turn to ignore or give less attention to our physical needs.
My question is: Can we really master spiritual matters that we can't even see unless Christ opens our spiritual eyes when failing to meet our physical needs while we are physical beings ourselves? Behind the knowledge and understanding of God's word, there's a raw human being that you may have to deal with through out your life. Yet we don't want to talk about real issues in relationships. We're only content that we pray together and have bible sessions with fellows that have been met. While being good in spiritual matters doesn't necessarily make one a compatible mate or even a good parent.
How can we rather ensure that seeking first the kingdom of heaven, doesn't substitute our physical concerns and responsibilities that must be met? How do I preach and bless people out there when my kids are starving home? The very spiritual word of God says in Thessalonians; �Whose who don't want to work must not eat!� In Timothy it says; �failer to provide for my family makes me worst than an unbeliever.� Yet some guys make it clear in their profiles that they don't want to talk about money. Infact they are searching for an independent woman who can take care of herself.
It's disappointing seeing a well written profile accompanied by verses and at the end the brother states that!
A woman's independency is besides the point in my opinion. Can a man provide for his family inspite of the having a woman who can afford to support the kids? Is the subject dismissed for early days or it's not opened for discussion at all? Does seeking God first mean we mustn't be responsible but only get spiritual?
