This opposite question was asked to the ladies...so now let's ask the men. And ladies you can chime in if you want to make comments.
(Not being judgemental here, as I know in general, men are known to be more visual,,and it's all a matter of preference also...but thought it was an interesting question, as to how important are looks to the men..?
"My advice to any single women is to lock any remotely decent man down now while you still can. Due to the MGTOW movement the options are getting less and when you expect to be kept that window will close even more."
That's true, however there's the feminist movement and LGBTQ### movement as well. The bottom line is there are fewer and fewer people (men and women) available who want to create a normal family.
I know for certain that the most beautiful women when hair is coiffed, makeup on, nice clothing, special shoes, etc. often look pretty awful in the morning with messy hair, no make-up, bad breath, struggling to get that first cup of coffee. Men look different too depending on the situation. Nothing wrong with wanting to look good...but people quickly learn that beauty truly is only skin deep.
"I would much rather be with someone my Father chooses for me, than go by my own preferences."
That would be nice, but in 38 years of my life I have only met ONE man who claims that God picked his wife. He says God told him that he will meet his wife next week. And shortly he was introduced to a woman, and somehow they both immediately knew that they were meant for each other. Such stories are very rare.
I wish I could hire a lawyer who does the work for me (searching, dating, etc), and all I would have to do is go to my wedding. But of course, it doesn't work like that. I have to be involved, because I am the one who chooses. And even if you think that God is choosing for you, ultimately the choice is still yours. You are the one who decides who is right and who is not right for you. No one else is going to do that for you. An angel is not going to come down from heaven and appear in front of you to warn you not to date so and so but instead go out on a date with another someone. lol It would be nice if God gave us such detailed instructions or guidance, but most people just choose what their mind tells them to.
I always pray to God "if I would make a big mistake, please stop me! Please let me know in time if I am involved with someone that I am not supposed to be with." And usually I get a dream that warns me or tells me what's going to happen. So, I have my own guidance. Some people would say that's not Biblical, because God only talks to us through the Bible. No other source is approved. Okay. I get that. But you can still ask Him to guide you or protect you. So far He has protected me.
Asking God to tell you whom to marry or to pick someone to date is more than just asking Him to stop you from making a mistake. I wish God would just tell me where she is or how to find her, but so far nothing...
"But most people just choose what their mind tells them to."
Which is crushing when we are not renewed in the spirit of our mind. It is often our own short-sightedness which causes us the most hurt, and there is nothing like a weakness for fleeting stopgaps to keep us from the fulfillment of our hopes.
I would assert that our relationship with Christ is antecedent to our readiness to be the husband of one wife. Because a man's desire for marriage in the Lord must be framed and sustained by faith. If we rely solely on our own counsel our picking and choosing will come to nothing and heap sorrow on top of sorrow.
Thisis the common and the argument tends to get circular, because our relationship with the Lord - and how we approach the whole issue of trust, guidance, allowing Him etc.. - are all very subjective.
One thing I know. God expects us to seek Him. Not just for our spouse, but for every area of our lives. He is a relational Being, The Most Relational One in the universe!
Remember.. marriage was HIS idea.
He is a Triune God.. the persons of Godhead constantly enjoying fellowship with each other, Father loving the Son, Son loving the Father, and somewhere the Holy Spirit is also active :-)
Relationships and fellowship with other people are something He sees as very important n our lives, so I am certain that when we seek His will, He is delighted ..
I do not know why some people had such clear answers, and supernaturally met each other. There are plenty of such testimonies I have heard, some from people I know. (people who were mature believers, and others who were not even so mature...) Not one formula applies.
One thing I know.. it should be a joy.. but even if it has some challenges, they are a joy with Him as our guide.
Brother silver, it is great that God speaks to you in such clear way. In my life, I have learned that I should not expect God to stop me from mistakes; I have prayed that so often, and I felt Him tell me that I have to learn to listen to His still small voice before I attend to some grand things, and not expect him to stop me every time: listening and obeying is my responsibility.
There were times I heard Him more eloudly and felt a deep impression in my heart as what to do, but usually it has been a still small voice instead of fireworks, or a thunderstorm. (I would welcome the fireworks too..)
God is a creative being, so I am sure He has a myriad of ways to connect people.. the biggest challenge seems to be, are we always willing and ready? People can goof up - free will is a huge responsibility..
I have told God I do not need someone's money or looks, but there are certain details he has placed on my heart. I pray every day that if my dreams are not within His will, He would change them.
Maybe the other person still is praying for a blonde while I am a brunette? lol
One time I have listened to a series called HOW TO HEAR GOD'S VOICE. In a nutshell, I am going to give you a summary here. 1) We can hear God's voice from the Bible. The number #1 way God speaks to us is through His Word.
2) God can speak to us through the Still Small voice. This is how the Holy Spirit prefers to talk to us. The book of Psalms says that God leads us with His eyes. When we are so in tune with Him that we know what He likes and what He doesn't like, we can just simply have a feel of what God approves. And if we were doing something bad, we just sense that this is not right. God always prefers to lead us through subtle ways. He doesn't want to cause fireworks and signs usually.
3) God can speak to us through circumstances and opportunities. This includes open doors and closed doors. You try to do something, and for some reason every door seems shut. Then you try to do something else, and everything seems to go so easy, you just walk right in.
4) God sometimes guides us through needs and requests. Someone may ask you to do a favor, or there's a need to do something and you can do it. So, you fulfill the need and it may be that God put you there and you're the perfect person to solve a particular problem.
5) Sometimes God speaks to us through critics and people who give us advice. We can learn from those who criticize us and tell us what we are doing wrong.
6) Sometimes God guides us through our conscience. We have an inner knowing of what's right and wrong. And sometimes all we got to do is follow it.
7) Sometimes God talks to us through dreams and visions. And people who have a dream might not even be a Christian. In the Bible, Pharaoh and Nebuchadnezzar both had dreams. Pharaoh's two servants who were thrown in jail, they had dreams too. They weren't necessarily God fearing people. So, anybody can have a dream.
8) God sometimes speaks to us through a prophet or a man of God. But this is usually to confirm something that God has already said. It's not to give us a brand new direction.
9) Sometimes God leads us through supernatural intervention. Balam's donkey spoke to him and it turns out the donkey saved his life. Lol Sometimes God will do something amazing to stop us when we'd do a grave mistake. If you can't see well, it is important to see a red light. If you can't see a green light, it's ok. But red lights are very important. So, sometimes God will strike us with a "2x4" if we do not listen to make us realize we are going in the wrong direction. Jonah was smacked by a 2x4 when the fish swallowed him, and he immediately knew what he must do. It made him realize that he can't go in that direction. So, he prayed and repented. When something supernatural happens or we get smacked by a "2x4" in the head, we need to sober up and review our life and our path. Maybe we are running in the wrong direction and we need to turn around and do what God wants.
10) God speaks to us through SILENCE. When we get silence, it's either because we live in sin. God doesn't speak to us when we are rejecting Him or running away from Him. OR God is silent because we're on the right track.
11) God can speak to us through our desires. When a person is born again, they get a new nature. We want what God wants, and we turn away from things of this world. When we are in that mindset, usually God's desires become our own desires, so if we just follow what we desire, it's the same thing what God wants.
12) God created our brain for a reason. Sometimes God doesn't want to intervene. He wants us to make our own decision. In trivial matters, God doesn't have a preference. Should I wear a red dress today or a white dress or grey one? We don't have to ask God for small things like that. That's why God gave us a brain, to think. That's what wisdom is for. Wisdom can guide us, and it's not necessarily something "supernatural." Wisdom = having good judgment, the ability to make good decisions for our own benefit. We can acquire wisdom and knowledge, and God wants us to be wise, to learn, to be able to make better decisions.
13) Finally, sometimes God guides us through the fleece method. Gideon in the Bible asked for a sign. And that's not how God prefers to lead us. But it can work. This is very dangerous though, because you could ask for a sign, and if nothing happens, you get disappointed or misled. So, this is a guidance of last resort.
One thing that stands out to me from this list is that red lights are important to notice. If you can't see a green light, it's ok. But if we are so blind we can't see the red light, we're in trouble. So, it's always important to be sensitive and look out for God's red lights. If He doesn't want you to go in a certain direction, then stop. Don't wait for punishment or the 2x4 to strike, because God does punish people sometimes. In Proverbs 3:11-12 we read:
"My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, nor detest His correction; For whom the LORD loves He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights."
As far as the frustration of not knowing where the right person might be, I can certainly relate. Many of us singles probably can.. would be nice to see the whole plan, wouldn't it?
That, however, is hardly how God works. Most of the time, it's one step at the time. He shows us one little thing, and expects us to follow. Why would He show us the whole plan, before we haven't even taken the first step?
Well, hopefully we are at least going to the right direction. This lockdown sure is a great opportunity to get closer to Him, to be ready when we are able to act.
Being on a dating site may be a good start, if that is where God has led us to be. at least i's an opportunity to encourage each other.
God will not drop the right one, right at your door step. After praying for wisdom and counsel, say Amen and open your eyes, armed with right qualities that you desire and walking in discernment, venture out, and get yourself a wife...for the man, and for the woman, choose whomever pleases you. God will not choose for anyone.