NO PRESSURE HERE. No one is knocking down my door for such favor. I guess it is only an issue for some guys. Definitely not all. I have four brothers and no one is pressuring them. We are almost like monks.
Here were I live sex before marriage and often early on is expected even among so many so called christians. I definitely been pushed for it even on the first date a few times. I been sent unsolicited nude photos (even by christian women) it's worth nothing I'm younger then most people posting here so maybe that has something to do with it??? TBH if the girl i'm seeing is that way it's an instant dump and block. I don't need that sinful garbage in my life.
My understanding of your word "peer" is to mean other men... If so then no I do not receive any pressure. You would have to be within my sphere to understand that I suppose.
If you are speaking of women... Then there has been some "pressure." There is a lot of brokenness in the world and the church. Much of this "pressure" I chalk up to women being so used to be chased, propositions and just plain disrespected that when they are treated with the respect that is their due as being created in God's image and a co heir of His kingdom, that they feel rejected and move on.
I have led boundaries groups and have put boundaries down in writing. When beginning a new relationship I bring it out and try to discuss them. Some try to test my boundaries and some just leave. The few that remain I cherish.
When mentoring younger men I encourage them to also set and write down boundaries to share. Few do.
Strong temptations to misuse God’s property come from many angles, not just from “peers”. Think of Joesph’s story in Genesis and David’s story with Bathsheba.
You said, “if it’s a weird question let [you] know that too and why”
But what if your question is extraneous?
Here’s some seriously relevant questions: what happens spiritually to those who fail the test by give into temptation?
What happens to those who yield to peer pressure in order to liked by adulterers and to avoid ridicule?
What serious consequences result?
How does a single act of yielding to the thoughts of adultery or it’s actual commission impact a spiritual relationship with a holy God?
Its not a thing with woman but this idea that there is outright something wrong with you if you are not sexually active as a man never really goes away.... It's just the intensity that lowers and the ridicule more often stays behind the eyes as people age.
I know this is 'Ask Men', but as a woman, I get it, too.
Maybe not explicitly, but it is implied - that if you aren't hooking up, you're flawed and defective, and missing out.
The media is full of stories from women openly sharing about their sex lives, seeking to 'liberate' other women from their shame and hang-ups. (Thanks, but those services are not needed - I do have a healthy body image and will be fine, when God gives me a husband)
It is openly stated that the more partners you have (had), the more desirable you are.
Sadly, the same mentality goes on in churches. Those women who were married before / had sex out of wedlock and got pregnant, easily find husbands. Sometimes they do tend to look down on us never married singles and even brag about their 'experience'.
I see it among a lot of men who are influencers try to make the case that a lot of people who are celibate are that way because they don’t have the options. While there may be a kernel of truth in that, I find that to be a load of garbage. I find it more likely that people with that many more options are simply confronted with the temptation more often, and, as Christians, we already know human willpower is not ironclad.
I don’t have anyone beating down my door either, but I have had to tell a few women of my choice to wait until marriage. Since I’m already pretty selective about who I spend time talking to, I have not had much push-back when I establish that boundary, though I did have one that seemed to have a mixture of pity for me (like I was missing out on great opportunities) and surprise that I could resist the temptation. Needless to say, my conversation with that one didn’t last very long after that.
That experience led me to an interesting (though largely rhetorical) question: Why is giving in to (and possibly becoming a slave to) your base instincts and passions regarded as “strength” and “empowerment and resisting those temptations shamed as undesirability?” To me, and I’m guessing to most of the responders here, giving in to those temptations is an act of weakness. It takes a lot of willpower to turn down what our instincts want so badly.
The strongest rationale I’ve heard for not remaining celibate until marriage is that “you have to know how ‘physically’ compatible you are with someone.” I have heard this used both as an excuse for one’s own promiscuity and as ‘relationship advice’ given to others. I don’t think we [the church] will have much luck turning this around until we get some really good answers for this besides “…but the Bible says we shouldn’t do that.” While that may be true and correct, people in Western society have become experts at ignoring passages that are inconvenient. Therefore, we need to do a better job outlining why the Bible tells us these things. I think the church needs to improve how it approaches single people as a whole, but that’s another matter for another forum topic. To me (and someone else can jump in and maybe provide some good scriptures to back up some of what I’m saying here), compatibility with someone and loving them for a lifetime cannot be based on how good the bedroom activities are. That is only one minuscule part of your lives together and the flesh is deceitful and over-inflates it’s own importance. Compatibility of spirit, values, parenting style, future life goals, and how you handle adversity and pain are things that will impact how you will relate to each other every day and will determine whether your relationship has staying power when tragedy becomes your house guest.
Well, that was an answer that was kind of all over the place, but hopefully I’ve been able to make some points that will be helpful to answering the post’s questions.
“you have to know how ‘physically’ compatible you are with someone”
IMO that argument is a hot load of garbage. It implies someone is so self centered and devoid of love that they need someone that can do X in bed. And let be honest here, if both husband and wife have not experienced in bed wouldn’t they be learning the ropes together?
The whole 'you have to test drive the person first to know if you have suitable chemistry' argument is really the outcome of being desensitised to immorality.
When there is genuine attraction and interest, you don't have to second guess it. It comes through every form of communication. being in the same room is electric. My goodness, it cannot be stopped, even by walls.
That is not something you have to try to conjure up by artificially creating scenarios..
Secondly, it amazes me when people think that a casual hook-up is any reliable indicator of anything, Most likely, it's a stressful situation. As a woman, I'd feel very vulnerable and anxious - not sexy or happy at all. So how would that give a genuine 'reading' of any chemistry?!
