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1jon310

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Affirmation
Posted : 7 Mar, 2018 04:37 PM

Bushfire: You are asking the real question here. What is affirmation? Personally I thing that what is considered affirmation to each person can be very different from the next person. I cannot really tell anyone by my personal preference as when it comes to verbal affirmations I don't care. The people in my life who may want to "affirm" me can get frustrated if they can't just accept me as I am. I did not grow up with such talk and my adult life has had little and what has been there has largely been empty words with no actions to support the words. In short I have become too cynical to receive affirmation even if it were slung in my direction.



So this is why I ask the men and the women these questions about affirmation. I don't really know it when I see it and if I might catch a glimpse of it I don't trust it.



Soooo, help a brother out here and tell me how ya'll like to be affirmed.

1jon310

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Have any of you found guysthat say they love you and chase other women?
Posted : 5 Mar, 2018 07:17 PM

I would like to read the historical references supporting that. Please provide them. The Messianic Jews in that time period also promoted circumcision to get right with God. To play devil's advocate, Martin Luther also performed a wedding for a man who had a girl friend and would not leave her, The man was already married. There were many things that the church has done through the ages that did not align with the scriptures but that does not make those things right. When we advocate such things as chasing and marrying multiple women we are then rightly accused my the outside of being misogynists. Enough of that. Again please provide the historical references. Thank You

1jon310

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Have any of you found guysthat say they love you and chase other women?
Posted : 5 Mar, 2018 04:59 PM

Jesus brought us back to the original intent of the Trinity when God created Adam and Eve. One man and one woman joined together until death separates them. The admonition for leaders to have but one wife was not teaching that others could be in bigamous marriages but that they (not unlike the Levites of the Old Testament) were not allowed to marry divorced women.

1jon310

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Have any of you found guysthat say they love you and chase other women?
Posted : 28 Feb, 2018 08:02 PM

In the original Greek there are more then one king of "love" used and described. Our world and much of the church has no idea what "love" is anymore.



Perhaps we should all discuss candidly what kind of "love" we are discussing. When we say that we "love" our dog, coffee, car, home, TV show, friends, and or spouse there should be some conversation about what kind of "love" we are professing.



Ladies, I for one am sorry that you have been led astray with false proclamations or out right lies in regard to "love." :)

1jon310

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Distance
Posted : 26 Feb, 2018 05:13 PM

Sis: You are asking a general question but no answer can cover all of the different viewpoints. In my experience (as someone older) it seems that most of the people are desperate to start something now. Our culture does not like to do anything slowly and allow something to progress at a natural pace. I have been told often that these online/distance type of relationships do not seem real to people also. If a person cannot touch the other person and meet them in person then it is difficult for some to not take the approach of Thomas. Be encouraged that the right person will either be wiling to navigate the distance or that you will turn around one day and that person will be right in front of you.

1jon310

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Affirmation
Posted : 26 Feb, 2018 05:06 PM

Rambo: You are right in many ways. The problem is that, as men, if we continue in this vein of thought then we are playing the flip side of the record where women are stereo typed as telling us that "if you really loved me then I wouldn't have to tell you what I want."



Ladies: Thank You for your input. I think that some people give affirmation and respect naturally and do not give it a second thought. Some of us don't and need some advice and maybe some of us have been doing a good job but that does not mean that we cannot step it up and do better still. Of course those who do should be teaching.

Thank You all.

1jon310

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Affirmation
Posted : 20 Feb, 2018 07:57 PM

Obedience

You ended with an affirmation. Good example. I am a little perplexed that there have not been any men to comment on this topic. I really am looking for what other men would like to hear or have done for them so that they feel affirmed or respected. Or what women do to show this because I personally don't really care about receiving respect as along as the job gets done and I am one of those people who thinks that words are cheap if they are not backed by action. So while I think that it would be good for others to read and discuss I would also like some ideas because I am not very good at affirming men at work or even at church.



You bring up some good points though. It takes two people and the Lord to make a relationship work. Yes one person should be offering to the other but also if the other is not receiving then they should be able to ask and have their request heard. Hopefully a positive response will be made then. Thank You

1jon310

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Being Pursued
Posted : 19 Feb, 2018 04:54 PM

Ladies, this is great. Would you be willing to add some practical suggestions. Remember that men are stereo typed as being clueless when it comes to doing the little things that make a difference. What are some of the things that have been done for you in the past that you really appreciated? What are some of the things that maybe you thought about but it never materialized?



Thank You in advance. :)

1jon310

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Affirmation
Posted : 16 Feb, 2018 08:38 PM

Thanks HC



I think that most women at least start out doing a good job affirming the men/boys in their lives. Then we fail to live up to the expectations one too many times and it dries up. That is not a dig at women but rather a understanding that too often both sides get too comfortable or lazy and stop making a real effort.



Also the men who need the affirmation to thrive could often do a better job of asking for affirmation.



I read an article a while back that stated that for their first job many young men would do best to work for a woman supervisor because the woman were more likely to encourage (affirm) the young workers.



Just the fact that you replied first tends to illustrate that men have difficulty asking for affirmation. My guess anyway.

1jon310

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A little discernment here please
Posted : 14 Feb, 2018 07:41 PM

Agreed. I guess that I have just been on these sites for too long as I have read and sometimes previously the scammer issue adnausium.



Probably the most common thing to identify the scammers is how quickly they want to move off of the site. BUT there are people that want to talk and meet quickly as they feel that they are wasting time getting to know someone over the site.



Scripture tells us that we are to be as innocent as doves but as wise as serpents. Prayer and going with your instincts is the place to start.



I like to ask everyone about their testimony. It helps to get to know a person quickly but it also will expose the scammers pretty quickly as they don't know how to respond to that very well yet.



I like scammers. Whether it be playing the cat and mouse game or enjoying the opportunity to try and share the Gospel with them it is all good.



Blessings

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