Hi, I guess as a Chrisitan on a Christian dating site, I struggle with the fact that even Chrisitan guys require "model" looks before they talk to a female. Last time I checked, integrity, character and a heart to serve a spouse was far more important. Looks fade, people get fat, people have terrible accidents that can mangle faces and put you in a wheelchair, so if looks is all guys go for, maybe that is why there is SO many single guys still out there that are older. As far as sex, it amazes me how many Christian guys (and maybe girls) think that this is OK before marriage. I would love to see where this is ok Biblically. I know you have to be somewhat attractive to a person, but I feel most guys want a size 6 or below or what nothing to do with you. I guess my main question is what are you going to do if you marry for looks only and then something happens to your girls looks? Ditch them? I have heard terrible things like if my wife ever gets fat I am leaving her, etc.
There are shallow people everywhere to be sure. People join "Christian" sites because it is believed (often for good reason) that Christians are easier to take advantage of. Billy Graham once said something to the effect that only 60% of people in church are actually saved. That was some time ago. To expect a large percentage of people on any dating site, Christian or other wise, to actually be Faithful followers of Jesus is setting the bar too high. If someone is not interested in the you that you are, then there is an opportunity to be glad that your options are narrowed.
It's interesting, I read this complaint a lot on Christian sites, but my experience with real world relationships is rather different. None of the men I've gotten to know/dated ever expressed an acceptance of extra-marital sex. And I suppose it's such a basic issue in my mind that I've never even thought to ask a CDFF member their thoughts on the matter if they were someone I was corresponding with. Although, I tend to only develop correspondence with men who show maturity of character and faith so I just assume we'd be on the same page. But maybe I ought not assume.
Unfortunately, even on a site like this, you still have to deal with humans. Who are rather broken. And then guys, which are more so....
I agree with everything you've written there, and it makes me rather sad as well sometimes. At the same time, I know that people can make bad choices, and I don't want them to think that just because they've made a bad choice before, means that we can't have a relationship. I've made plenty of bad choices myself! But yeah. It's an issue that many guys seem to not be great on.
At first glance, looks may be what attracts someone to another person, since that is a main thing to go on initially for the eyes to look at. But, even at first glance a friendly smile is a key that make a difference.
After talking with someone at work, school, church, doing volunteer work, on the bus, or wherever and getting to know them, a person's character are evident and much more important than looks to a true Christian.
Given the clear message in the Bible about premarital sex, it is sad that so many Christians lack the discipline to abstain from that. But, fortunately, there are a lot of us who are committed to remain celibate until married.
As Christians we need to seek out for our closest relationships those who share Christian views about integrity and abstinence from premarital sex. And I firmly believe there are a lot of us.
Well as an older guy who is STILL single (following a divorce from a bi-polar, manic-depressive, paranoid-schizophrenic, unfaithful wife), it could also be that there issues from the other side too. I don't see guys profiles, so I cannot speak to them. But I won't be interested in any woman who comes off as depressed (can't smile for her one profile pic and/or demands to know why no one wants to chat with her).
There are plenty of women's profiles that mention looks (and money) as well. It's not just the guys. And how many profiles have I clicked out of before even reading because the makeup is caked on? Your guess is as good as mine on that one. I'm not interested in a high-maintenance Barbi doll any more than I will pretend to be a Ken doll. But I am interested in a naturally attractive woman who lives a healthier lifestyle AND IS COMFORTABLE IN HER OWN SKIN. I don't want to feel peer-pressured to take on someone's medical bills or debt or bi-polar personality or insecurity or infidelity just because someone *else* thinks all I care about is looks / sex; and thinks as a Christian man, I should entertain every woman on the site.
In conversations, as soon as THE WOMAN starts making comments about her looks ("I wish I were thin"), that's the time I start looking for the exit. But the ones who have a nice smile and their profile is a good read. I have had some wonderful conversations! And looks / sex has never been part of them, from either party.
I think there is some merit to looks and health ("getting fat" as you put it). Just as some of us prefer not to be around smoking and frequent alcohol consumption because it is detrimental to health. Why *can't* I look for a potential mate who I find attractive in a natural, healthy way?
I have to echew my preferences because some woman in a singles chat room (who is also obviously STILL single herself) says that *I'm* STILL single because I am vain (in her judgment)?
Truth be told, I'm still single because I live in a sparsely populated area, and I'm not willing to settle on a host of issues regarding a relationship just so I can be in a relationship. Tried it. Got burned.
Sorry if I sound brash, but the passive-aggressive nature of the poster's initial charge doesn't fly with me.
There is a difference between being discerning and being vain.
Alright, reynoam, you've seen what I'm about; I've read your profile and see exactly where you are coming from. I adjusted my contact ages so if *you* want to open a private dialogue, feel free. If not, okay. I like to see the face of the person I'm talking with, real life or online, because I am old fashioned that way. My discernment here is not looks, it is age and wants kids/doesn't want kids. But if you want a dialogue about the issue...here I am offering the olive branch.
All I will say here is that a meat market run by Christians is still a meat market (sorry if that offends anyone), and try to stay positive because that's where true beauty shines is in your attitude.
I would say it like where I am from, they are "Christmas" not "Christian" they're not serious they will come around again. Everything seen through the lens of Jesus make the difference.
I have been single for a little while after breaking up with my ex girlfriend who I still maintain contact with. We were dating for over 6 years.
She was 5'5" I could not exactly tell you how much she weighed but she wore size 16 pants so not exactly what you would have described as a model but she was a real woman. I am fine with that and while looks are important I realize that not everyone is a supermodel and going to be in a magazine. I like women with some curves however I still want them what would be considered a healthy weight.
Yes my ex and I had a physical relationship. I will say however that neither her or I were virgins coming into the relationship infact she has had more partners than I. I can say however that during the time that we dated that I did not cheat on her with any other woman.
I am 32 i'm not going to say that there are no single woman my age that are "pure" but I would say they are few and far between. At my age there is a higher likelihood that I would potentially date a woman who already has kids verses someone who is a virgin. And im fine with someone who has had kids.
Now to go deeper into this I have meet some people, I have a friend, who right up front say that they will not participate in sex outside of marriage. She and they have taken a hard conservative biblical stance. This I think is a slippery slope because in the past in the 70s and 80s woman typically would get married in their early 20s if not when they were 18. Now woman want to go to college and get a career and than maybe get married and maybe have kids, so everything is upside down than it was in the past.
While I respect women who have a hard line stance on abstance and depending on the quality of the person and what they may have to bring to the table I may be inclined to date them. It may be a factor. Because lets face it to date someone for a year or two even and than if you decided you wanted to get married and than plan a wedding its 3 years. That's a long time.
I respect woman and their wishes. I would never expect someone to have a physical relationship on the first date and im not the type of guy that asks for nude pictures or wants a one night stand or with someone. However lets face it that during the course of most relationships half the time it does get physical.
While this may not be the biblical stance and I may indeed offend some women and some may even think why I am on here I am looking for a quality and yes christian woman. I do have morals and values and want to find someone to spend my life with. I'm just not 16 or 18 anymore and am male human being.
